But Frank Henley!--Let me not hide a thought from my Louisa. He is
indeed worthy of being loved, every day more worthy. I have a new story
to tell, which will be more effectual praise than any words of mine.
Like you I am persuaded he has some affection for me. I am not
insensible to his worth and virtues: I ought not to be. Were I to
indulge the reveries into which I could easily fall, I might be as much
misled by passion as others, who are so ready to complain and pity
themselves for being in love. But a wakeful sense of the consequences
is my safeguard. It cannot be. I should render my father, my relations,
and friends, miserable. I should set a bad example to my sex. I, who am
at shewing them mind is superior to sex.
Such are the thoughts that protect me from the danger. His mental
excellence perhaps I love as truly as heart could wish. But, as the
lover who is to be the husband, no! I will not suffer my thoughts to
glance in that direction. I might, but I will not. Nothing but a
conviction that my principles are wrong shall ever make me; and that
conviction I hold to be impossible.
Do not imagine I am guilty of the mistake of supposing myself his
superior. Far the reverse. The tale which I am now about to relate will
inform you better of the true state of my feelings.
You must know, my dear, that on our arrival in town, Sir Arthur, with
my help, prevailed on Frank Henley to accept a twenty pound bill, that
he might have the means of gratifying his inclinations, and enjoying
the pleasures which at his age it is natural he should wish to enjoy.
These means I had but too good reason to be convinced had been denied
him by his father, which I suspected to be, and am now satisfied was,
the true reason that Frank refused to attend us on our journey.
The youth has quite pride enough, my dear: he is desirous to confer,
but not to accept obligations; is ready enough to give, but not to
receive. As if he had not only a right to monopolize virtue, but to be
exempt from the wants which are common to all, and to supply which men
form themselves into societies. He seems to shrink with exquisite pain
from the acceptance of money. However I was determined to conquer, and
conquer I did. Nor can I say, considering them as I do, that I was
sorry to offend the false feelings even of Frank Henley, for whom I
have an infinite esteem.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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