Country life -- Fiction; Vicars, Parochial -- England -- Fiction
the thought of such remarks as these, accompanied by compressed lips
and down-drawn corners of the mouth, and reiterated nods of the head of
KNOWINGNESS. But I mention this only as a repressing influence, to
which I certainly should not have been such a fool as to yield, had I
seen the way otherwise clear. For a man by showing how to use money, or
rather simply by using money aright, may do more good than by refusing
to possess it, if it comes to him in an entirely honourable way, that
is, in such a case as mine, merely as an accident of his history. But I
was glad to feel pretty sure that if I should be so blessed as to marry
Miss Oldcastle—which at the time whereof I now write, seemed far too
gorgeous a castle in the clouds ever to descend to the earth for me to
enter it—the POOR of my own people would be those most likely to
understand my position and feelings, and least likely to impute to me
worldly motives, as paltry as they are vulgar, and altogether unworthy
of a true man.
So the time went on. I called once or twice on Mr Stoddart, and found
him, as I thought, better. But he would not allow that he was. Dr
Duncan said he was better, and would be better still, if he would only
believe it and exert himself.
He continued in the same strangely irritable humour.
CHAPTER XX.
MOOD AND WILL.
Winter came apace. When we look towards winter from the last borders of
autumn, it seems as if we could not encounter it, and as if it never
would go over. So does threatened trouble of any kind seem to us as we
look forward upon its miry ways from the last borders of the pleasant
greensward on which we have hitherto been walking. But not only do both
run their course, but each has its own alleviations, its own pleasures;
and very marvellously does the healthy mind fit itself to the new
circumstances; while to those who will bravely take up their burden and
bear it, asking no more questions than just, “Is this my burden?” a
thousand ministrations of nature and life will come with gentle
comfortings. Across a dark verdureless field will blow a wind through
the heart of the winter which will wake in the patient mind not a
memory merely, but a prophecy of the spring, with a glimmer of crocus,
or snow-drop, or primrose; and across the waste of tired endeavour will
a gentle hope, coming he knows not whence, breathe springlike upon the
heart of the man around whom life looks desolate and dreary. Well do I
remember a friend of mine telling me once—he was then a labourer in the
field of literature, who had not yet begun to earn his penny a day,
though he worked hard—telling me how once, when a hope that had kept
him active for months was suddenly quenched—a book refused on which he
had spent a passion of labour—the weight of money that must be paid and
could not be had, pressing him down like the coffin-lid that had lately
covered the ONLY friend to whom he could have applied confidently for
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