Country life -- Fiction; Vicars, Parochial -- England -- Fiction
Instinctively almost I knew that Catherine Weir was beside me, though I
could not see where she was. In a moment more, however, I thought I
could distinguish through the darkness—imagination no doubt filling up
the truth of its form—a figure crouching in such an attitude of
abandoned despair as recalled one of Flaxman’s outlines, the body bent
forward over the drawn-up knees, and the face thus hidden even from the
darkness. I could not help saying to myself, as I took a step or two
towards her, “What is thy trouble to hers!”
I may here remark that I had come to the conclusion, from pondering
over her case, that until a yet deeper and bitterer resentment than
that which she bore to her father was removed, it would be of no use
attacking the latter. For the former kept her in a state of hostility
towards her whole race: with herself at war she had no gentle thoughts,
no love for her kind; but ever
“She fed her wound with fresh-renewed bale”
from every hurt that she received from or imagined to be offered her by
anything human. So I had resolved that the next time I had an
opportunity of speaking to her, I would make an attempt to probe the
evil to its root, though I had but little hope, I confess, of doing any
good. And now when I heard her say, “Hast thou NO help for me?” I went
near her with the words:
“God has, indeed, help for His own offspring. Has He not suffered that
He might help? But you have not yet forgiven.”
When I began to speak, she gave a slight start: she was far too
miserable to be terrified at anything. Before I had finished, she stood
erect on her feet, facing me with the whiteness of her face glimmering
through the blackness of the night.
“I ask Him for peace,” she said, “and He sends me more torment.”
And I thought of Ahab when he said, “Hast thou found me, O mine enemy?”
“If we had what we asked for always, we should too often find it was
not what we wanted, after all.”
“You will not leave me alone,” she said. “It is too bad.”
Poor woman! It was well for her she could pray to God in her trouble;
for she could scarcely endure a word from her fellow-man. She,
despairing before God, was fierce as a tigress to her fellow-sinner who
would stretch a hand to help her out of the mire, and set her beside
him on the rock which he felt firm under his own feet.
“I will not leave you alone, Catherine,” I said, feeling that I must at
length assume another tone of speech with her who resisted gentleness.
“Scorn my interference as you will,” I said, “I have yet to give an
account of you. And I have to fear lest my Master should require your
blood at my hands. I did not follow you here, you may well believe me;
but I have found you here, and I must speak.”
All this time the wind was roaring overhead. But in the hollow was
stillness, and I was so near her, that I could hear every word she
said, although she spoke in a low compressed tone.
“Have you a right to persecute me,” she said, “because I am unhappy?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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