Alone with her in that dark, isolated room, I had had the courage to thrust her away, and to remonstrate with her; and, now her image pursued me, I asked her pardon--her pale face, her eyes timid and full of tears; her hair in disorder, flowing over her bended neck; the touch of her forehead as it rested upon my breast; all these remembrances made me beside myself, and I thought I still heard her murmuring, "I am yours!" I reflected: I have obeyed the voice of my conscience.--But no? it was false! for, most certainly, I should never have wished in my heart for such a _dénouement_.--And, then, to be separated from her, to live without her, shall I have the strength?--"Fool! miserable fool that I am!" I cried angrily. In the meantime night was approaching. I directed my hurried steps towards the dwelling of Annouchka. XVIII. Gaguine came out to meet me. "Have you seen my sister?" he cried, from a distance. "She is not at home then?" I asked him. "No." "Not returned?" "No." "No,--but I have something to confess," continued he: "in spite of the promise I made you, I couldn't help going to the chapel. I didn't find her there. Did she not go there, then?" "No, not to the chapel." "And you have not seen her?" I was obliged to admit that I had seen her. "Where then?" "At Dame Louise's.--I left her about an hour ago; I thought she was about to return." "We will wait for her," Gaguine said to me. We entered the house, and I sat down beside him. We were silent; a painful constraint was on us both. On the alert for the least sound, sometimes we looked at each other stealthily, sometimes we cast our eyes upon the door. "I can stay here no longer!" said he, rising; "she will kill me with anxiety. Come, let us look for her." "Yes, let us do so!" We went out; it was already night. "Come, tell me what happened," demanded Gaguine, drawing his hat over his eyes. "Our interview lasted but five minutes at the utmost, and I spoke to her as we agreed upon." "Do you know," said he, "I think we had better separate. Let us look for her each on his own responsibility; that is the quicker way to find her; but in any case return to the house in an hour." XIX.