Wilfred stretched himself out on the old rug, yielding to the luxury of
pain. Real pain that bit like teeth. For an instant he beheld the truth
with devastating clearness. There was no hope for him. Elaine’s instinct
was sounder than his own. He and she could not possibly find happiness
together. He was a better man than she would ever guess: but his
worthier qualities were sealed to her, and must always be so. Impossible
to reach an understanding. In another way, he was not man enough to be
her mate. How that thought stabbed! But it was the truth. It must be
faced out. Thank God! pain could be borne. He had his own kind of
strength, not at all a showy kind, and Elaine would never perceive it;
but he need not despise himself. Pain fortified him. He looked over
towards Stanny with a feeling of gratitude. In some queer way it was due
to the presence of that solid body in his chair, that he had been
vouchsafed this moment of lucid pain, instead of being dragged as usual,
helpless at the heels of the wild horses of Imagination.
IV
In the winter twilight Elaine and Wilfred were sunk in easy chairs side
by side before the fire in the Sturges sitting-room, the smoke of their
cigarettes mounting lazily. In that serene atmosphere Wilfred was least
serene. Whenever he sat there his heart beat too fast; and the clamorous
thoughts jostled confusedly in his brain. The smiling servants had
softly brought the tea things, and later, had carried them away. A
lovely, gracious life! Should he ever be able to take it as if it were
his by right? The Sturges house was almost exactly opposite Bella
Billings; distant about three hundred yards; but social deeps rolled
between.
Elaine was sliding down in the deep chair on the small of her back, her
long legs inelegantly thrust out, her feet crossed. Elaine could yield
to any common impulse without losing the quality of distinction, he
thought. The firelight was strong in her resolute face. It was not
beautiful in the ordinary sense. He despised the insipidity of pretty
women. There was something much greater here; character; passion; and
that divine assurance of herself. Whence arose Elaine’s magnificent air?
It was because she held herself one of the elect of earth. Ordinary
people were so far beneath her, she could afford to exhibit them every
kindness. All wrong! thought Wilfred. A preposterous assumption! Yet
there it was! And it beat him down!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account