Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
THE MONSTER (_solus_): The young girls of Sparta, they say, used to
wrestle naked with naked Spartan boys. The sun caressed their skins
till they were brown and transparent like amber or a flask of olive
oil. Their breasts were hard, their bellies flat. They were pure
with the chastity of beautiful animals. Their thoughts were clear,
their minds cool and untroubled. I spit blood into my handkerchief
and sometimes I feel in my mouth something slimy, soft and
disgusting, like a slug—and I have coughed up a shred of my lung.
The rickets from which I suffered in childhood have bent my bones
and made them old and brittle. All my life I have lived in this huge
town, whose domes and spires are wrapped in a cloud of stink that
hides the sun. The slug-dank tatters of lung that I spit out are
black with the soot I have been breathing all these years. I am now
come of age. Long-expected one-and-twenty has made me a fully
privileged citizen of this great realm of which the owners of the
_Daily Mirror_, the _News of the World_ and the _Daily Express_ are
noble peers. Somewhere, I must logically infer, there must be other
cities, built by men for men to live in. Somewhere, in the past, in
the future, a very long way off.... But perhaps the only street
improvement schemes that ever really improve the streets are schemes
in the minds of those who live in them: schemes of love mostly. Ah!
here she comes.
(_The_ YOUNG LADY _enters. She stands outside the window, in the
street, paying no attention to the_ MONSTER; _she seems to be
waiting for somebody._)
She is like a pear tree in flower. When she smiles, it is as though
there were stars. Her hair is like the harvest in an eclogue, her
cheeks are all the fruits of summer. Her arms and thighs are as
beautiful as the soul of St. Catherine of Siena. And her eyes, her
eyes are plumbless with thought and limpidly pure like the water of
the mountains.
THE YOUNG LADY: If I wait till the summer sale, the crêpe de Chine
will be reduced by at least two shillings a yard, and on six
camisoles that will mean a lot of money. But the question is: can I
go from May till the end of July with the underclothing I have now?
THE MONSTER: If I knew her, I should know the universe!
THE YOUNG LADY: My present ones are so dreadfully middle-class. And
if Roger should ... by any chance....
THE MONSTER: Or, rather, I should be able to ignore it, having a
private universe of my own.
THE YOUNG LADY: If—if he did—well, it might be rather humiliating
with these I have ... like a servant’s almost....
THE MONSTER: Love makes you accept the world; it puts an end to
criticism.
THE YOUNG LADY: His hand already....
THE MONSTER: Dare I, dare I tell her how beautiful she is?
THE YOUNG LADY: On the whole, I think I’d better get it now, though
it will cost more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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