Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
Lypiatt opened the door and looked out. Mr. Boldero was already far
away, almost at the Piranesian arch. He watched him till he was out of
sight, then went upstairs again and threw himself face downwards on his
bed.
CHAPTER XX
Zoe ended the discussion by driving half an inch of pen-knife into
Coleman’s left arm and running out of the flat, slamming the door behind
her. Coleman was used to this sort of thing; this sort of thing, indeed,
was what he was there for. Carefully he pulled out the pen-knife which
had remained sticking in his arm. He looked at the blade and was
relieved to see that it wasn’t so dirty as might have been expected. He
found some cotton-wool, mopped up the blood as it oozed out, and dabbed
the wound with iodine. Then he set himself to bandage it up. But to tie
a bandage round one’s own left arm is not easy. Coleman found it
impossible to keep the lint in place, impossible to get the bandage
tight enough. At the end of a quarter of an hour he had only succeeded
in smearing himself very copiously with blood, and the wound was still
unbound. He gave up the attempt and contented himself with swabbing up
the blood as it came out.
“And forthwith came there out blood and water,” he said aloud, and
looked at the red stain on the cotton wool. He repeated the words again
and again, and at the fiftieth repetition burst out laughing.
The bell in the kitchen suddenly buzzed. Who could it be? He went to the
front door and opened it. On the landing outside stood a tall slender
young woman with slanting Chinese eyes and a wide mouth, elegantly
dressed in a black frock piped with white. Keeping the cotton-wool still
pressed to his bleeding arm, Coleman bowed as gracefully as he could.
“Do come in,” he said. “You are just in the nick of time. I am on the
point of bleeding to death. And forthwith came there out blood and
water. Enter, enter,” he added, seeing the young woman still standing
irresolutely on the threshold.
“But I wanted to see Mr. Coleman,” she said, stammering a little and
showing her embarrassment by blushing.
“I am Mr. Coleman.” He took the cotton-wool for a moment from his arm
and looked with the air of a connoisseur at the blood on it. “But I
shall very soon cease to be that individual unless you come and tie up
my wounds.”
“But you’re not the Mr. Coleman I thought you were,” said the young
lady, still more embarrassed. “You have a beard, it is true; but....”
“Then I must resign myself to quit this life, must I?” He made a gesture
of despair, throwing out both hands, “Out, out brief Coleman. Out,
damned spot,” and he made as though to close the door.
The young lady checked him. “If you really need tying up,” she said,
“I’ll do it of course. I passed my First-Aid Exam, in the war.”
Coleman reopened the door. “Saved!” he said. “Come in.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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