Black humor; City and town life -- Fiction; Intellectuals -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Satire
It was a dismal affair, which might have belonged to Maurice Barrès in
youth; a slanting, flagging, sagging thing, such as could only grow on
the lip of an assiduous Cultivator of the Me, and would become, as one
grew older, ludicrously out of place on the visage of a roaring
Nationalist. If it weren’t that it fitted in so splendidly with the
beard, if it weren’t that it became so marvellously different in the new
context he had now discovered for it, he would have shaved it off then
and there.
Mournful appendage. But now he would transform it, he would add to it
its better half. Zadig’s quatrain to his mistress, when the tablet on
which it was written was broken in two, became a treasonable libel on
the king. So this moustache, thought Gumbril, as gingerly he applied the
spirit gum to his cheeks and chin, this moustache which by itself serves
only to betray me, becomes, as soon as it is joined to its missing
context, an amorous arm for the conquest of the fair sex.
A little far-fetched, he decided; a little ponderous. And besides, as so
few people had read Zadig, not much use in conversation. Cautiously and
with neat, meticulous finger-tips he adjusted the transformation to his
gummed face, pressed it firmly, held it while it stuck fast. The portals
of Thelema opened before him; he was free of those rich orchards, those
halls and courts, those broad staircases winding in noble spirals within
the flanks of each of the fair round towers. And it was Coleman who had
pointed out the way; he felt duly grateful. One last look at the
Complete Man, one final and definitive constatation that the Mild and
Melancholy one was, for the time at least, no more; and he was ready in
all confidence to set out. He selected a loose, light great-coat—not
that he needed a coat at all, for the day was bright and warm; but until
Mr. Bojanus had done his labour of padding he would have to broaden
himself out in this way, even if it did mean that he might be
uncomfortably hot. To fall short of Complete Manhood for fear of a
little inconvenience would be absurd. He slipped, therefore, into his
light coat—a toga, Mr. Bojanus called it, a very neat toga in real West
Country whipcord. He put on his broadest and blackest felt hat, for
breadth above everything was what he needed to give him completeness,
breadth of stature, breadth of mind, breadth of human sympathy, breadth
of smile, breadth of humour, breadth of everything. The final touch was
a massive and antique Malacca cane belonging to his father. If he had
possessed a bulldog, he would have taken it out on a leash. But he did
not. He issued into the sunshine, unaccompanied.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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