Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
She lived in a country house where I had been several times a guest, and
she had one of those faces which, in Gray's beautiful expression, speak
the language of all nations. Her features had that sunny charm which
thaws mistrust; she was dowered with all graces and sweet qualities; and
you could no more have doubted the immanent nobility of her nature than
you could have dreamed a stain in the texture of a white petal. And with
all her gentleness there was present I know not what sign and promise of
strength, waking in those who saw her an intuitive trust in loyalty of
uttermost proof. She would have flamed indignant against evil, but only
evil could have moved her from that equal poise of soul which made her
entrance into a room the prelude to higher thoughts and finer feelings.
She was naturally kind without consciousness of a mission, neither
seeking to enslave nor enfranchise, but by a silent outflowing of
goodness ennobling whatever company she was in. Nor was her tongue the
prattling servant of her beauty, but a guide of cheerful converse; for
just as she charmed without device or scheme of fascination, so she
possessed the art of speaking well without seeming to have ever studied
it. In the chase after just and felicitous ideas, she could lead or
follow over the most varied fields with the intuition of the huntress
born. With all these excellences, her wit, her sincerity, her ardour for
all things bright and true, she had no conceit of herself but kept her
father's house in gladness and loved the country-side.
To her, in these days of imminent dismay, my thoughts flew out as to a
fair protecting saint; until the inspiration of her visionary presence
wrought in my fancy with such a dramaturgic power, that I seemed to walk
daily with her, and to know all those delicate and sweet propinquities
by which liking passes into affection and affection is glorified into
love. So far did these happy day-dreams carry me, that they brought me
to the extreme of imaginary bliss, and poured out for me the wine of
untempered joy which thrills the hearts of lovers on the verge of their
betrothal. The dreams that followed that magic draught denied me no
convincing touch of circumstance, and projected upon a credible and
familiar scene the bright possibilities to which fate denied a real
existence. The scene was always the same, and the words and movements
which entranced me followed each other with almost religious exactitude
of detail which the adult demands of his day-dreams and the child of the
fairy-tale he loves.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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