Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
Philosophers are prone to gird at the animal in man, accusing it of
dragging the soul down to the mire in which it wallows. They forget that
by its brutal insistence upon physical needs it often preserves from
madness, and timely arrests him who goes like a sleep-walker upon the
verge of the abyss. Weariness and hunger are like brakes upon the car;
they stop the dire momentum of grief, and insure that if misery will
again drive us furiously, she must lash winded steeds anew. But what
force should stay a disembodied sorrow, which unbreathed by period or
alternation of despair, should be rapt onward in the whirlwind and the
hurricane, gathering eternally a fresh impetus of woe? Let us rail at
the body for its weakness if we will, but prize it also for its
restraint of the distracted mind. In the worst hour of my dejection it
was the body which called the lost reason home. I became hungry and ate,
hardly knowing what I did; I slept exhaustion away; and after many hours
awoke with clearer eyes, grateful to the weak flesh, and ready in its
company to face life once more, a defeated but not a desperate man. I
was glad to be thus reminded that the body could play this helpful part,
and my gratitude for its timely rescue taught me in after days to endure
its tyranny with a better grace. In the interlude between despair and
new effort, I once more turned a dispassionate gaze upon myself, as upon
some abandoned slave of a drug; and maintaining an attitude of
half-amused detachment, sought by a diagnosis of my case to establish
the real causes of my failure to lead a normal life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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