Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
Taine did not err when he found the home of shyness among the Teutonic
peoples; he saw that it flourishes in climatic conditions acting hardly
upon a vigorous race, and only allowing it to cultivate ease of manner
by effort and outlay, just as they only allow it to raise under glass
the grapes and oranges which more favoured peoples can grow in the open
air. He saw too that this pain of diffidence becomes more subtle as the
progress of culture makes us more sensitive to vague impressions from
our environment, and tunes the nerves to a higher pitch. A shy nature
upon this plane of susceptibility suffers anguish from an uncontrollable
body; and even in peaceful moments the memory of the discomfitures so
inflicted may distort a man's whole view of the world around him. He is
impatient of the wit which demands a versatility in response beyond his
powers, and persuades himself into contempt of those ephemeral arts to
which his nature cannot be constrained. Irritated at the injustice which
places so high in the general scale of values accomplishments which he
cannot practise, shrinking from the suave devices of gesture and
expression which in his own case might quickly pass into antic or
grimace, he withdraws more and more from the places where such arts win
esteem to live in a private world of inner sentiment. As he leaves this
sure retreat but rarely himself, so he forbids ingress to others; and
becoming yearly a greater recluse, he confines himself more and more
within the walls of his forbidden city. The mind which may have been
fitted to expand in the free play of intellectual debate or to explore
the high peaks of idea, loses its power of flight in this cave where it
dwells with a company of sad thoughts, until at last the sacrifice is
complete and the perfect eremite is formed.
But the virile Teutonic spirit does not suffer things to reach this
ultimate pass without stubborn resistance, and this is one reason why
shyness is often so conspicuous, seeming deliberately to court an
avoidable confusion. Over and over again it forces the recalcitrant body
back into the arena, preferring repeated humiliation to a pusillanimous
surrender. People often wonder at the recklessness with which the shy
expose themselves to disaster, forgetting that in this insistence of a
soul under discomfiture, there is evidence of a moral strength which is
its own reward. What discipline is harder than that which conscientious
diffidence imposes upon itself? To stand forth and endure, though every
instinct implores retreat, is a true assertion of the higher self for
the satisfaction of imperious duty. Such deliberate return towards
suffering is no cowardice, but a triumph over weak flesh; and the
awkward strife of diffidence may often prove a greater feat of arms than
the supple fence of self-possession.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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