Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
Like the every-day life of men with its imperceptible attritions was the
insensible growth and decay of things; as the tumult of his emotions
were the storms and catastrophes that convulse the face of nature. The
movement never ceased; the transforming power was never wearied; the
spectator had but to give rapt attention, to be carried beyond his poor
solicitudes to a participation in elemental processes of change in which
the fates of humanity were mysteriously involved. The thought of this
indissoluble union kept alive the sense of brotherhood within me, of
responsibility in life, of interest in all that happens; and whether it
was the daily contraction of a pond in drought, or a battle of ants by
the wayside, or the first tinge of autumn upon the woods, all was
ennobled by symbolic relationships to man's experience, which in the
unceasing flow of their perception were lustral to a solitary heart,
without them choked and stagnant.
There was a certain heath-clad ridge which like a watch-tower set above
a city never failed to bring before the ranging eye some vision
pregnant of those emotions by which the sense of humanity is quickened
to a deeper consciousness of itself. The witchery of space was there
always, and seemed to draw from the soul the clinging mists of her
indifference. It was there that I saw nature in all her moods, and felt
that to each my own moods responded; there that despondency, imagining
her monotony of woe, was confuted by the saving changefulness of created
things. I remember one day, when a summer storm was spending its fury, I
stood upon this ridge and looked across the low lands that stretched
away beneath me. They lay with all their boundaries confused by a pall
of purple gloom, then darkly transparent, and dissolving before the
returning sun, whose penetrative influence was felt rather than actually
perceived. As I gazed, high in the veil of cloud there began faintly to
gleam a spot of palest gold, so high that it seemed to belong to the sky
and to have no part in an earthly landscape. Gradually it expanded, grew
more vivid, and assumed form, other forms and tints emerged beside it,
until at last it was revealed as a ripe corn-field on the high slopes
across the valley, and before many moments had passed, a long line of
downs stood out in the pure air with a sculptural clearness, as if
during the storm all had been uprooted and moved a whole league towards
the spot where I stood. While the rainbow spanned the plain, and the
thunder still rolled in the distance, all the opposite heaven cleared
almost to the furthest horizon; but there a remoter range yet lay
half-covered by a billowy mass of clouds, like the hull of a dismasted
ship in the folds of her fallen sails. At last even this trace of the
battle was gone; the sun shone unopposed; the wet lands and clear sky
were lit with an intenser brightness for their transient eclipse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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