Apologia DiffidentisDalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Philosophy
Apologia Diffidentis
Dalton, O. M. (Ormonde Maddock)
Bashfulness
It reigns in very truth predominant, this ideal love
to which space exists not and propinquity is nothing; and it will have
none for its subjects but those who by bereavement or aspiration or
intense purity are inly prepared for its dominion.
Happy therefore are the shy if in the midst of their tribulation they
are guided to the gateway of so bright a kingdom. It may well be that we
must first be led thither by some dear-remembered and virgin form once
almost ours through earthly love, but now joined to us only by an
imperishable and mystic union. Our sight may at first need the embodied
beauty to give it the finer powers by which the revelation of the ideal
grows familiar to us, but is at last attainable without mortal
intervention by an immediate flight of the soul. Until that late day of
enlightenment we must still be set upon the celestial path by a touch
of human tenderness; a pure yet sensuous yearning must be ours when we
are first girded to the ascent. If there are beings which attain the
fulness of the ideal love without the first inspiration of a fair
earthly form I know nothing in creation to which they may be likened,
nor had I ever part in so rare an enfranchisement. The vision that now
entrances my soul first arose from a living, breathing form radiant with
earthly brightness and instinct with every charm which brings men
fawning to the feet of women. The sensuous frenzy which lovers sing was
also mine, the tremor of the heart, the vibration of the very life; the
deep seventh wave of passion rioted through me also. But from the first
amazement of the shaken being it was not given me to pass through
satisfaction into tranquillity; I was held long in a whirl of trouble;
in the anguish of denial I learned initiation into the mystery which is
eternal and supreme.
It is good for some of earth's children that passion should be stayed
before it makes ashes of the fancy; for if it does but touch for a
moment only to be withdrawn for ever, it does not destroy, but by its
meteoric passage kindles the imagination with the glow of an
incorruptible flame. It is with them long enough to brand upon memory
the image which, though never renewed before their bodily eyes, by its
very severance from perception puts on an immortality of virginal grace.
Love is understanding, said the poet of Heaven and Hell, and love
ennobled through renunciant years shall at the last encompass the world.
The sensuous glow that first quickened the heart of youth is transmuted
into a purer fire akin to that which moves the spheres.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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