"The world!" he said slowly and bitterly. "You think _I_ care for the
world? Then you read me wrongly at the very outset of our interview,
and your once reputed skill as a Seer goes for naught! To me the world
is a graveyard full of dead, worm-eaten things, and its supposititious
Creator, whom you have so be praised in your orisons to-night, is the
Sexton who entombs, and the Ghoul who devours his own hapless Creation!
I myself am one of the tortured and dying, and I have sought you simply
that you may trick me into a brief oblivion of my doom, and mock me
with the mirage of a life that is not and can never be! How can you
serve me? Give me a few hours' respite from wretchedness! that is all I
ask!"
As he spoke his face grew blanched and haggard, as though he suffered
from some painfully repressed inward agony. The monk Heliobas heard him
with an air of attentive patience, but said nothing; he therefore,
after waiting for a reply and receiving none, went on in colder and
more even tones:
"I dare say my words seem strange to you--though they should not do so
if, as reported, you have studied all the varying phases of that purely
intellectual despair which, in this age of excessive over-culture,
crushes men who learn too much and think too deeply. But before going
further I had better introduce myself. My name is Alwyn ..."
"Theos Alwyn, the English author, I presume?" interposed the monk
interrogatively.
"Why, yes!" this in accents of extreme surprise--"how did you know
that!"
"Your celebrity," politely suggested Heliobas, with a wave of the hand
and an enigmatical smile that might have meant anything or nothing.
Alwyn colored a little. "Your mistake," he said indifferently, "I have
no celebrity. The celebrities of my country are few, and among them
those most admired are jockeys and divorced women. I merely follow in
the rear-line of the art or profession of literature--I am that always
unluckiest and most undesirable kind of an author, a writer of verse--I
lay no claim, not now at any rate, to the title of poet. While recently
staying in Paris I chanced to hear of you ..."
The monk bowed ever so slightly--there was a dawning gleam of satire in
his brilliant eyes.
"You won special distinction and renown there, I believe, before you
adopted this monastic life?" pursued Alwyn, glancing at him curiously.
"Did I?" and Heliobas looked cheerfully interested. "Really I was not
aware of it, I assure you! Possibly my ways and doings may have
occasionally furnished the Parisians with something to talk about
instead of the weather, and I know I made some few friends and an
astonishing number of enemies, if that is what you mean by distinction
and renown!"
Alwyn smiled--his smile was always reluctant, and had in it more of
sadness than sweetness, yet it gave his features a singular softness
and beauty, just as a ray of sunlight falling on a dark picture will
brighten the tints into a momentary warmth of seeming life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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