"The Sardinian mystic attacked us. I had a fearful presentiment, and
wished to avoid the combat. That was impossible, and I now thank the
fates, for you are almost well again, and I owe my life to you.
"Yes, Arthur, I owe you the life of my body in that I exist; I owe you
the life of my soul, because you have become my friend.
"Do you know that unless I felt the strength of my gratitude I should be
alarmed.
"For a long time I have been seeking a way to increase your happiness,
you have done so much for mine.
"My task has been difficult, for you are possessed of every
advantage,--youth, intelligence, name, fortune, and a generous and noble
disposition. But I had perceived a fatal tendency which would annihilate
all these rare gifts.
"There was the source of all your misfortunes. That was the stream I
must ascend to its source, and turn in another direction. If I can only
deliver him from this spirit of doubt, I said to myself, would he not
then be indebted to me for the enjoyment of all those advantages which
doubt now renders useless?
"You have often told me that your fits of defiance and misanthropy were
the sole real misfortunes of your life; but do you know what causes
these spells of moroseness? The moral inaction in which you live.
"You have a lively, ardent imagination, and, as you give it no aliment,
it feeds on you as its victim.
"From this continual reaction of your mind on your heart, from this
insatiable need of occupying your thoughts, is born the fatal habit of
self-examination, that entices you to such horrid study of your own
conduct, and the spirit of analysis that leads you to the discovery of
such unworthy motives in others.
"Believe me, my friend, for during many nights I have reflected deeply
on your character, and I think I say the truth; believe me, from the
moment you give some noble and glorious object to this devouring
activity that possesses you, it will be with delight, with ineffable
confidence that you will indulge yourself in the tenderest of
sentiments. You will then believe blindly, for you will have no time to
spend in doubt.
"Before knowing your real value, this voyage to Greece seemed a
sufficient occupation for you; but now that I understand you better, I
feel that this journey is no more in proportion with the powers of
conception I recognise in you. Now that I can count on you as on myself,
new horizons are open to my view. It is not in sterile enterprises that
I would employ our courage and our intelligence. I have a higher mark,
perhaps you will call it a chimera; but reflect awhile, and you will
recognise that there are many chances of its proving successful.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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