“I thank you, Epstein, for telling me this. I am glad to realize just
what my status is. But let me cherish no misconception. Is this theory
of the police—is it held by others?”
“To be frank, I am afraid it is. The newspapers took it up and—and
I’m afraid it s the opinion of the public generally.”
“Then the verdict did not signify?”
“Well, at least not so far as public opinion is concerned.”
“So that I am to rest under this stigma all my life?”
“Why, no—not if you choose to exonerate yourself, as I have
indicated.”
“Oh, I don’t care about that. I don’t care to exonerate myself.
What difference would it make? Would it make the fact that she is lost
to me forever one shade less true? Only, it is well that I should have
a clear understanding of my position, and I thank you for giving it to
me.”
“You don’t mean to say that you are going to drop the case there?”
Epstein demanded. “I assure you, I never should have opened my mouth
about it, had I foreseen this.”
“Don’t reproach yourself. You have simply done your duty. It was
my right to hear this from you.—Yes, of course I shall drop the case.
Good-by.”
“You will think better of it; you will reconsider it; you will come
back to-morrow in a wiser frame of mind. Good-by.”
As I reentered my lodging-house the landlady met me; thrust an envelope
into my hand; and vanished.
I was surprised to see that the envelope was addressed to “E. Neuman,
Esquire.” It will be remembered that I had introduced myself as Mr.
Lexow. I tore it open. It inclosed a memorandum of my arrears of rent
and a notice to quit, the latter couched thus: “Mr. Neuman’s real
name having been learned during his sickness, please move out as soon as
you have paid up.”
I caught sight of myself in the glass. “So,” I said, “you are the
person whom people suspect as a murderer! and it is thus that you are to
be regarded all the rest of your life as one touched with the plague.”
I counted my ready money and paid the landlady her due.
“I am very sorry,” she began, “but the reputation of my
house—but the other lodgers—but—”
“You needn’t apologize,” I interposed, and left the house.
It occurred to me that it would be necessary to find work whereby to
earn my livelihood. I had quite forgotten that I was poor. What should I
do?
The notion of giving music lessons again I could not entertain. Music
had become hateful to me. I could not touch my violin. I could not
even unlock the case and look at the instrument. It was too closely
associated with the cause of my sorrow. The mere memory of a strain
of music, drifting through my mind, was enough to cut my heart like a
knife. Music was out of the question.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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