Rosa was seated upon the upper step of the west porch, her chin cradled
in her hand, her elbow on her knee, gazing on the darkening sky, and
crooning Scotch ballads in a pensive, dreamy way. Mabel, from her perch,
eyed her as if she were a creature belonging to another world--seen
dimly, and comprehended yet more imperfectly. Yet it could not have been
half an hour--thirty fleeting minutes--since the two had talked as dear
friends out of the fulness of their hearts. Where were the hopes and
happy memories that had made hers then a garden of pleasant things, a
fruitful field which Heaven had blessed? In that little inch of time,
the flood had come and taken them all away.
Would the dry aching in her throat and chest ever be less? Tears
had gushed freely and healthfully after her last leave-taking with
Frederic--the looked farewell, which was all Winston's surveillance had
granted them. She had been wounded then by her brother's singular want
of tact or feeling. She had not the spirit to resent anything to-night,
unless it were that God had made and suffered to live a being so
wretched and useless as herself. She supposed it was wicked--but she did
not care! She ought to be resigned to the mysterious dispensations of
Providence--that was the prescribed phraseology of pious people. She had
heard the cant times without number. What more would they have than her
utter destitution of love and bliss? Was she not miserable enough to
satisfy the sternest believer in purgatorial purification? to appease
the wrath even of Him who had wrought her desolation? It must be the
judgment of a retributive Deity upon her idolatrous affection that she
was bearing--her worship of Frederic. Yes, she had loved him; she loved
him now better than she did anything else upon earth--better than she
did anything in Heaven.
In the partial insanity of her woe and despair, she lifted her gray face
and vacant eyes to the vast, empty vault, beyond which dwelt her Maker
afar off, and said the words aloud--spat them at Him through hard, ashy
lips.
“I love him! I love him! You have taken him from me--but I will love him
for all that!”
Heaven--or Fate--her blasphemous mood did not distinguish the one from
the other--was a robber. Her brother was pitiless as the death that
would not answer to her call. Between them she was bereaved.
It was but a touch--the lightest breath of natural feeling that broke
up the hot crust, that shut down the fountain of tears--Rosa's voice,
tuneful and sad as a nightingale's, chanting the border-lays she loved
so well:
“When I gae out at e'en.
Or walk at morning air,
Ilk rustling bush will seem to say
I used to meet thee there.
Then I'll sit down and cry,
And live beneath the tree.
And when a leaf falls in my lap,
I'll oa' it a word from thee.”
She had sung it herself to Frederic the night before he left her, and as
she finished the artless ballad, he took her in his arms and kissed her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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