London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Women artists -- Fiction
herself with the unknown destiny before her that had to be worked out
unaided.
It was only after the first outburst of grief that she realised this
fully. She had gone back to Durdleham, with a new range of feelings
freshly revealed. Her sisters she found were gentle, quiet women like
her aunt, narrower perhaps, with thin currents of old prejudice still
running through them, but still lovable and sympathetic in her sorrow.
They welcomed her back like a lost sheep to the fold. Never had her home
life seemed so peaceful, comfortful; London was scarcely mentioned, and
her sisters agreed between themselves that Clytie's absence from home
was an episode of the past, never to recur.
But time wears and effaces the deepest intaglio of impression, even that
of a young girl's first knowledge of death and eternal loss. Gradually
the quietude of eventless life, as the need for it wore away, grew
wearisome, oppressive, and the old restless cravings began to gnaw at
her heart. The breach that death had closed slowly widened again,
so gradually that not till it was fully appreciable did the sisters
recognise it. The formulas seemed narrower, more lifeless than ever. She
had viewed dimly the potentialities of life, and her soul burned within
her with a fiercer hunger. Almost against her will she revolted finally.
“What is this that Janet has been telling me,” said Mrs. Blather one
morning, “about your wanting to go back to London? You cannot be in
earnest, Clytie?”
Clytie looked at her sister rather sadly, tears springing into her eyes.
“You have been very good to me since I have come back, Gracie, and I
have learned to love you more than I did before--much more. But can't
you understand, dear, that if I am to go on loving you I must go away?”
“I can't see it at all,” replied Mrs. Blather. “If we have got on so
nicely together these last few months, why can't we continue? Janet and
I are willing to give you all in our power to make you happy.”
“Ah! but don't you see that what I want is out of your power to give?”
said Clytie. “Don't think I am wicked and ungrateful. If a man wants
five pounds, he is grateful to anyone who gives him one; but that does
not lessen his need of the other four. Now the other four pounds are not
to be got in Durdleham, Gracie, and I must have them.”
“You should learn content, Clytie,” said her sister. “We have all to put
up with our lot in life.”
Clytie checked an impulse of impatience at the platitude, and answered
with great gentleness of voice and manner:
“This is not my lot in life, dear. It is quite different. You and Janet
can bear it, because your natures crave this tranquillity. Mine craves
movement, excitement, strange faces. Oh, Gracie, it is no use talking--I
must go away, or I shall begin to hate Durdleham as I used to do. There
is nothing for me to do here. I am too bad for it, perhaps. I don't
know. I can't explain it to you; you have never felt it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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