That's an awful infliction, but it sometimes adds piquancy to a joke, just as Worcestershire sauce does to your chops. We hadn't been long on the water, when I observed a most remarkable-looking individual pacing the deck. I've seen some ill-looking men in my day, but this specimen was surely the very worst that had ever crossed the scope of my vision, and beat that old Alabama farmer out of sight. I said as much to my friend, whereupon Tom offered to wager a five-dollar bill that he had seen a worse one in the steerage. I at once accepted, and Tom started for his man for comparison. [Illustration: BEAUTY SHOW] He found the fellow a bit of a wag, as an intolerably homely man is apt to be, and, after the promise of a nip, nothing loath to exhibit himself. As they appeared on deck, my friend, with an air of conscious triumph, turned to direct my attention to his companion, who was making sure of his success by concocting faces. "St-st-st-stop!" ordered Tom. "No-no-none of that! You st-st-stay just as you were made. You ca-ca-ca-ca-can't be beat!" And he wasn't. It takes an Irishman to be a Job's comforter. Patrick Brannagan, whose face was so plain that his friends used to tell him it was an offense to the landscape, happened to be as poor as he was homely. One day a neighbor met him, and asked: "How are you, Pat?" "Mighty bad! Sure, 'tis starvation that's starin' me in the face." "Begorra!" exclaimed his neighbor, sympathetically, "it can't be very pleasant for either of yez!" Say, have you ever tried the Christian Science cure? It's simply great. And the cost is so little, too. Apparently there are some people though who can't see things in the right way. [Illustration] They simply lack faith. I remember when out in the country, I dropped in to see friend Wilkins, the editor of the local sheet. He was endeavoring to give some medicine to his little chap, who writhed and twisted in contortions. Of course it was a case of too many green apples, and I could sympathize with Teddy. We've all been there. Now, it happened that a good woman next door had been called in. She was a devout Christian Scientist, and the way she assured the boy he must be deceiving himself, and there could not be anything the matter with him, would have convinced you or me right away. But Teddy stubbornly refused to take comfort. "I think I ought to know," he groaned. "I guess I've got inside information." [Illustration] Speaking of these fads puts me in mind of the widow McCree, whose husband when alive was noted as a tough case, but he left her well provided for, and she tries to make people believe she mourns for him. Once she even went to a medium, hoping to hear some message of consolation from the dear departed. But I rather guess that same medium had been acquainted with Billy during his lifetime. "Is there any message from my dear husband?" asked the widow, anxiously. "Yes, there is," snapped the medium, "and it's hot stuff, too."