"Very well," said Frederick, "we'll see whether you are right. Conceive
a man who, until he was thirty years old, was always going the wrong way,
or if not that, then, at least, the trips he took, no matter along what
way, always ended precipitately in a broken shaft or a fractured limb.
That I escaped the real catastrophe, the shipwreck, is really most
peculiar. Nevertheless, I think my ship has been wrecked and I with it,
or I and my ship are in the midst of foundering. For I see no land. I see
nothing solid or firm anywhere near me.
"I was kept in a military school until I was ten years old. The desire
came upon me to commit suicide, and I was punished for insubordination.
There was no fascination for me in being prepared for a great carnage.
So my father, though it meant that he had to give up his pet idea, took
me away from the school, and I went through the much-discussed humanistic
_Gymnasium_. My father is a passionate soldier. I became a physician, but
I had scientific interests outside of my profession, and I devoted myself
to bacteriology. Broken shafts and fractured limbs again. Good-bye to
medicine and bacteriology. It is scarcely likely that I shall ever work
in those fields again. I married. Beforehand, I had reared, as it were,
an artificial structure of the whole matter of marriage--a house, a
little garden, a wife and children, children whom I intended to educate
in a freer, better way than most people do. I practised in a poor country
district, being of the opinion that I could do more real good there than
in Berlin West. 'But, my dear boy,' everybody said, 'with your ancestral
name, your income in Berlin could be thirty or forty times larger.' And
my wife absolutely objected to having children. From the very moment she
knew a child was coming until its birth, there was one desperate scene
after the other. Life became a veritable hell to us. It was no rare thing
for us, instead of sleeping, to argue the whole night through, from ten
o'clock in the evening until five the next morning. I would try mild
persuasion and comfort, I would urge every conceivable argument softly
and loudly, violently and gently, wildly and tenderly. My wife's mother,
too, did not understand me. My wife was disillusioned, her mother was
disillusioned. She saw nothing but craziness in my avoiding a great
career. Then there was this--I don't know whether it occurs in all young
marriages--each time before the child was born, we quarrelled over all
the minutiae of its education, from infancy to its twentieth year. We
quarrelled over whether the boy should be educated in the house, as I
wished, or in the public schools, as my wife wished. I said, 'The girl
shall receive instruction in gymnastics.' My wife said, 'She shall not
receive instruction in gymnastics.' And the girl was not yet born. We
quarrelled so violently, that we threatened each other with divorce and
suicide. My wife would lock herself into a room and I would beat against
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account