Your mother's prayers accompany you. You have gone through a great deal
and suffered very much for one of your years. To let you hear something
pleasant at the very start, I will tell you of the children. They are
very well. This week I convinced myself with my own eyes that they have
a good home with Pastor Mohaupt. Albrecht is splendid. Bernhard, you
know, is more like his mother and always has been a quiet child. But he
seemed more alert and more talkative. The life in the pastor's house and
on the farm seems to please him. Pastor Mohaupt thinks both boys are by
no means untalented. He has already begun to give them lessons in Latin.
Little Annemarie asked me very timidly about her mother, but especially
about you. She spoke of you often. I told the children there was a
medical congress in New York or Washington, where they would at last make
an end of that dreadful disease, consumption. My dear child, do come back
soon to this dear old Europe.
I had a long talk with Doctor Binswanger. He told me your wife's trouble
is hereditary. It was in her all the time and would certainly have
cropped out, sooner or later. He spoke of your work, too, dear child, and
thought you ought not allow yourself to be crushed. Four or five years of
hard work, he said, would make up for your set-back.
Dear Dietrich, listen to your old mother and put your trust in our loving
Father in heaven. I think you are an atheist. Just laugh at your old
mother. But believe me, we are nothing without God's help and mercy. Pray
sometimes. It won't do any harm. I know how you reproach yourself on
Angele's account. Binswanger says you may have a perfectly easy
conscience. And if you pray, believe me, God will remove every thought of
guilt from your harassed soul. You are only thirty. I am seventy. From
the experience of the forty years more that I have, I tell you, your life
can still turn out so that some day you will scarcely have a recollection
of all you are now suffering. You will remember the facts; but you will
try in vain to recall the feelings of anguish with which they are now
connected in your mind. I am a woman. I was fond of Angele. And yet I
could observe you two together perfectly objectively. Believe me, there
were times when she would have driven any man desperate.
* * * * *
The end of the letter was all motherly tenderness. Frederick saw himself
at his mother's sewing-table by the window, and in his thoughts kissed
her hair, her forehead, her hands.
When he looked up, he heard the steward remonstrating with the American
and heard the American say in good German:
"The captain's a donkey."
The word had the effect of an electric shock. The next instant another
pile of matches sent up a wavering flare in the gloomy, terrifying
twilight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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