Once, too, a gleam of reason came to her. She loved dearly the
admiration and good opinion of her world; and she reflected that the
step she contemplated meant no congratulations, no wedding-dress, no
presents, and no callers. Wedding indeed! As she had read of a similar
case in "London Legends," it would be a "social funeral, with no flowers
by request." But these considerations had no weight after an evening
spent with cousin Bella. And though she played on her piano till the
lace butterflies on Miss Craven's cap fluttered again (why would cousin
Bella wear caps in defiance of the fashion?), it was no good. If she had
had a fine voice, she would have sung at the top of it; failing that
medium of expression, she longed to put her fingers in her own ears and
scream into cousin Bella's. And as they yawned in each other's faces,
and she realised that something like this might be the programme for an
indefinite time, she remembered how Langley had called her a
metaphysician and a moral philosopher. It was on statements like these,
apparently borne out by the fact of his friendship, that she based the
flattering fiction of her own intellectuality. Without that fiction
Audrey could not have supported life in the rare atmosphere she had
accustomed herself to breathe. The conclusion of it all was that, come
what might come, she could not give Langley up.
One afternoon she crossed the river for a walk in Battersea Park. It was
a warm spring, and down the long avenue the trees were tipped with the
flame of bursting buds, like so many green lights turned low. The beds
and borders were gay with crocuses and hyacinths, and the open spaces
were beginning to look green again. Audrey cared little for these
things, but to-day she was somehow aware of them; she felt in her the
new life of the spring, as she had felt it a year ago. She walked
rapidly from sheer excitement, till she had tired herself out; then she
sat down on one of the benches, overlooking the waste ground where the
children played. Except for a bright fringe under the iron railings, it
was still untouched by spring, and the sallow grass had long been
trodden into the dust. Some ragged little cricketers were shouting not
far off, and near her, by the railings, was a family group--a young
father and mother, with their children, from two years old and upwards,
crawling around them. They were enjoying a picnic tea in the sunshine,
with the voluptuous carelessness of outward show that marks the children
of the people. Audrey looked at it all with a faint disgust, but she was
too tired to move on to a more cheerful spot. She turned her back on the
picnic party, and began to think about Wyndham. He had been away ten
days; he said he was going for a fortnight; in another week at the
longest she would see him. She was roused by a tug at her petticoats.
The two-year-old, attracted like some wild animal by her stillness, had
scrambled through the railings, and was trying to pull its fat little
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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