Ted had certainly no taste for detachment, but he was so far advanced
towards metaphysical speculation that he was engaged in an analysis of
sensation. Off and on, ever since that day of unreasonable mirth and
subsequent madness, he had been a prey to remorse. He had kept away from
Audrey for a fortnight, during which time his imagination had run riot
through past, present, and future. Audrey had been sweet and confiding
from the first; she had believed in him with childlike simplicity, and
when she had trusted to his guidance in her innocent æstheticism, he,
like the coarse-minded villain that he was, had made fun of all her dear
little arrangements, those pathetic efforts to make her life beautiful.
He had made her cry, and then taken a brutal advantage of her tears. To
Ted's conscience, in the white-heat of his virgin passion, that
premature kiss, the kiss that transformed a boyish fancy into full-grown
love, was a crime. And yet she had forgiven him. All the time she had
been thinking, not of herself, but of him. Her words, hardly heeded at
the moment, came back to him like a dull sermon heard in some exalted
mood, and henceforth transfigured in memory. She had done well to
reproach him for his frivolity and want of purpose. She was so ready to
say pleasant things, that blame from her mouth was sweeter than its
praise. It showed that she cared more. By this time he had forgotten the
traits that had impressed him less pleasantly.
Happily for him, his passion for Audrey was at first altogether bound up
with his art. We are not all geniuses, but to some of us, once perhaps
in a lifetime, genius comes in the form of love. To Ted love came in the
form of genius, quickening his whole nature, and bringing his highest
powers to a sudden birth. He had begun and almost finished the work
which Audrey had urged him to undertake, and nobody could say that he
had approached his subject in a frivolous spirit. It was a portrait of
herself. Ted had been rather inclined to affect the romantic antique:
Audrey had been a revelation of the artistic possibilities of modern
womanhood, and he turned in disgust from his languid studies of decadent
renaissance, or renaissant decadence, to this brilliant type. One corner
of the studio was stacked with sketches and little full-length portraits
of Audrey. Audrey from every point of view. Audrey in a black
Gainsborough hat, Audrey with brown fur about her throat, Audrey
half-smothered in billowy silk and chiffon, Audrey as she appeared at a
dance in a simple frock and sash, and Audrey in a tailor-made gown, in
the straight lines of which Ted professed to have discovered new
principles of beauty. In fact, he dreamed of founding a New Art on
portraits of Audrey alone. From which it would appear that he was
taking himself and his art very seriously indeed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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