When Katherine came back from the National Gallery she found Ted alone:
he had drawn up the couch in front of his easel, and lay there gazing at
his portrait. The restless, hungry look had gone from his eyes. There
was no triumph there, only an absolute satisfaction and repose. Face and
attitude said plainly, "I have attained my heart's desire. I am young in
years, but old in wisdom. I know what faith and hope and love are, which
is more than you do. I am not in the least excited about them, as you
see; I can afford to wait, for these things last for ever. If you like,
you may come and worship with me before my heavenly lady's image; but if
you do, you must hold your tongue." And Katherine, being a sensible
woman, held her tongue. But she took up a tiny pair of white gloves,
stained with paint and turpentine, that lay folded on the easel's ledge,
and after examining them critically, laid them on Ted's feet without a
word. A faint smile flickered across his lips. That was all their
confession.
After some inward debate, Katherine determined to go over and see
Audrey. She had no very clear notion of what had happened that morning;
but she could only think that the ridiculous boy had proposed to Audrey
and been accepted. The idea seemed preposterous; for though she had been
by no means blind to all that had been going on under her eyes for the
last few months, she had never for a moment taken Audrey seriously, or
supposed that Ted in his sober senses could do so either. This morning a
horrible misgiving had come over her, and she had gone to her work in a
tumult of mixed feelings. For the present she had made Ted's career the
end and aim of her existence. What she most dreaded for him, next to the
pain of a hopeless attachment, was the distraction of a successful one.
A premature engagement is the thing of all others to blast a man's
career at the outset. What good was it, she asked herself passionately,
for her to pinch and save, to put aside her own ambition, to do the
journeyman's work that brings pay, instead of the artist's work that
brings praise, if Ted was going to fling himself away on the first
pretty face that took his fancy? Again the feeling of hatred to Audrey
surged up in her heart, and again it died down at the first sight of its
object.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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