Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Naturally leaving this at right angles, what was my rather rueful
amazement to discover myself, in the next instant, lying upon my side in
the roadway. At first I imagined that I must have stepped upon something
slippery or that some such article must have been adhering to my
footwear. But a minute examination both of these and the roadway failed
to reveal any such cause. Completely baffled, I made a second attempt,
but with an equally discomforting result, and time after time, in spite
of my utmost efforts, I was the victim of a similar loss of equilibrium.
Many a less determined and timider lad would indeed have given up the
venture, and again I ought to confess, perhaps, in view of municipal
regulations, that my pertinacity was not wholly defensible.
Robbed of candour, however, such a record as the present would lose the
greater part of its spiritual value; and while I am prepared to admit
that, in this particular instance, my youthful conduct may have been
open to misjudgment, I cannot concede that it was in any degree
incompatible with the highest expression of the Xtian character.
Refusing to be cast down, therefore, save in the most literal sense, I
continued dauntlessly with my efforts, to be rewarded at last with a
final success no less gratifying than entire. Failing to remain upright
in departing from the moving vehicle either at right angles to it or
with my back towards the driver, I found that by _facing in the same
direction_ I could not only descend from it with greater immunity, but
that by _running after it_, as it were, for two or three steps, I could
do so with complete integrity. Needless to say, having acquired this
knowledge, I only made use of it in an occasional emergency, and for
some years now, owing to declining success, I have discontinued the
practice altogether.
With the unfolding of my seventeenth year, however, I was definitely
approaching the great problems of adult life, and much of my time now
began to be occupied with the contemplation of my future career. Thanks
to the tempered foresight of my father, a firm believer as a rule in
unlimited families, in the exceptional circumstances of his own case he
had refrained from further parentage. On his demise, therefore, as he
had given me to understand, I should inherit some two thousand pounds,
this being the amount to which his insurance and savings would by then
probably have accrued. Should my mother survive him, I should of course
be expected, and would gladly, as I assured him, make her some
allowance. But her health was so precarious as to render this sacrifice
a very improbable necessity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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