Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Design for my grandfather’s tomb. Death and interment of Mrs. Emily
Smith and the aunt that had stood with my mother’s mother at the
bottom of the stairs. Effect upon my father’s health. Alexander
Carkeek and his sons. Arrival home from the Stools. First tidings of
the new lectern. My father’s interview with the vicar. Curious
instance of transposition of consonants. My father rehearses his
denunciation. Arrival of Simeon Whey. My father repeats his
denunciation.
PERMANENTLY impaired as had been my father’s health by the ordeal
referred to in Chapter VIII he had not permitted this, as I have said,
to interfere with his duties as a sidesman; and there were still
occasions upon which he would exhibit all his old-time fire and
determination. Thus when my mother’s parents had been destroyed by a
tram accident about a month after the decease of Silas Whey, it was he
who had arranged the funeral, chosen the hymns, and designed the
monument by which they were to be commemorated. The provision business
having declined somewhat, the chief factor in the design had necessarily
been one of economy, and my father had therefore confined himself to a
broken column some three inches in diameter and a foot high.
Insufficient to accommodate their full names, their initials had been
tastefully engraved upon it, the surface of the grave being sprinkled
with flints that would require no subsequent upkeep.
In conjunction with Mr. Balfour Whey too, it was he who had selected a
house for my mother’s eight sisters, small but sufficient and in a
remote part of Wales, where they would be able to husband their meagre
income. Bitterly opposed as the eight sisters had been both to living
together and leaving Walworth, my father had overcome them by the sheer
power of his torrential eloquence and personality. Surrounded by
strangers, as he had irresistibly reminded them, most of whom were
unacquainted with the English language, fifteen miles from a railway
station and three and a half from the nearest village, they would have
neither the occasion nor the opportunity to dissipate their substance in
convivial extravagance, while the precipitous roads, by which alone the
house that he had chosen for them could be approached, would give them
an appetite for the extremely simple fare which would be all that their
means would allow them to purchase. To Wales they had gone, therefore,
and though he continued to receive letters from them, couched in terms
of the basest ingratitude, he neither replied to these nor permitted
them to modify his kindly consideration for my mother.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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