Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
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Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
But the danger was not over, for, now that we were in our pew, we were
being permanently impinged upon by the bird’s full visage, and I saw at
once that we should be taxed to the uttermost to sustain its gaze until
the end of the service. Regarded from this aspect, however, in which its
competing tongue masked the malignity of its eyes, its expression was
less menacing than insolent, albeit to an almost intolerable extent. And
it was obviously in the exposed eye, solitary and unchallenged, with
which it had followed us up the aisle, that its concentrated malice had
found the weapon most effective for its purpose. Temporarily released,
therefore, from the acutest personal anxiety, I was at last in a
position to observe my fellow-worshippers, and I would that I could
record even some semblance of resentment at the loathsome object with
which they had been confronted. Upon no face, however, could I see
anything inscribed beyond an unintelligent curiosity, while upon many I
could not fail to observe an even more lamentable admiration.
Indeed I could hear actual whispers, indicative of approval, such as
“Did you ever, now?” or “Isn’t it handsome?” while some put such queries
to one another as, “What do you suppose it cost?” “Whoever could have
paid for it?” and “Hasn’t it got a polish?” Nor have I seen anything, I
think, quite so nauseating to a sensitive Xtian stomach as the
scarcely-concealed triumph so smugly discernible upon the faces of the
four Carkeeks. My only reassurance, in fact, lay in the reflection that
my father’s denunciation had yet to come; that in so large an assembly
there must surely be one or two to whom the bird’s true character must
have been obvious; and that the vicar and his curate, who were now
nervously entering, had not finally committed themselves. Then the organ
ceased playing, the vicar, who was plucking at his surplice, hastily
glanced at my father, and the curate, whom I had never seen paler,
tremblingly embarked upon the service.
Pale as was the curate, however, and staccato as was his utterance, he
was the very embodiment of self-confidence compared with the vicar when
the latter first approached the lectern under the steadfast gaze of my
dear father; and I have seldom seen the consciousness of guilt take such
visible toll of an alleged Xtian clergyman as when this weak prelate
staggered from his corner and clung tottering to Carkeek’s eagle. Nor
had I perceived until then—or not so fully—the profound wisdom that had
been my father’s in concealing from these men the exact moment at which
he intended to make his protest. For they were thus proceeding in the
devastating knowledge that at any syllable they might be cut short, and
publicly arraigned before the whole congregation for their base act of
betrayal.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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