Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good ManBashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
General
Augustus Carp, Esq., by Himself: Being the Autobiography of a Really Good Man
Bashford, H. H. (Henry Howarth), Sir
English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories; Satire
Thus begun, and breakfast having been concluded, the day would next
behold me inside an omnibus, unless the weather were warm enough to
permit of my sitting upon the top for the purpose of rebuking adjacent
smokers; and punctually at nine o’clock, I would enter the show-room and
divest myself of my hat, scarf and overcoat. I would then exchange a
courteous word or two with Miss Botterill and the youth who had
succeeded me as show-room assistant, and immediately apply myself to the
various duties that as show-room manager devolved upon my shoulders.
Comprising the arrangement of books upon the shelves and counters, as
well as of an attractive display in the street window, these would
include, of course, my personal attendance upon the more important of
our retail customers, the booking of orders, the checking of the
show-room takings, and the maintenance of discipline amongst my two
subordinates. And I had long ago proved the necessity, in view of such
diverse demands, of paying the utmost attention to my physical upkeep.
At eleven o’clock, therefore, I would despatch Miss Botterill to a
neighbouring branch of the Aerated Bread Company for a glass of hot milk
and a substantial slice of a cake appropriately known as lunch cake. I
would then, at twelve-thirty, repair in person to the same branch of
this valuable company, where I would generally order from one of the
quieter waitresses a double portion of sausages and mashed potatoes,
accompanied by a cup of coffee, and followed by an apple dumpling or a
segment of baked jam roll. This was the more necessary because the hour
from one to two was usually the busiest of the working day, while from
two to three, when my subordinates lunched in turn, I had of course only
one of them to assist me.
By three o’clock, however, they had both returned, and I would take the
opportunity, five minutes later, of again sending Miss Botterill to the
Aerated Bread Company for my mid-afternoon cup of tea. This I would
drink, unthickened by food, but at half-past four I would send her out
for another cup, and with this I would eat a roll and butter, a small
dish of honey, and perhaps a single doughnut. Thus fortified I would
then continue at work until six o’clock, when the show-room closed, and
at half-past six I was sitting down at home to the chief meal of the
evening. Taken somewhat earlier than had been my father’s custom in the
days of my boyhood and adolescence, I had found myself obliged to insist
on the alteration in view of the many demands upon my evening hours.
Most of my active work, for example, at the doors of public houses,
required an attendance from seven to nine, while few of the local
prayer-meetings began at a later hour than half-past seven or eight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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