Then a time came when he took to walking in the garden, and she knew
that while he did so he kept a watch on the house, and especially on the
window of the room in which she was sitting. When he thought she did not
see him he disappeared down the dip behind and along the pathway between
the fir-trees and larches towards the short cut to Hindhead. She
remembered that the way to Hindhead was also the way to Liphook. It was,
of course, too far to walk there, but perhaps there were some means of
obviating that necessity. She said nothing, but she waited. It seemed to
her as if Alfred Wimple waited too. For what? Was it for her to die? she
sometimes asked herself, though she reproached herself for her
suspicions. Then all her tenderness would come back, and she hovered
round him lovingly, or stole away to commune with herself.
“I am sure he loves me,” she would think, as she sat vainly trying to
comfort herself—“or why should he have married me? His love must be the
meaning of mine for him, and the forgiveness of the past, after all the
long years of waiting. It is different from what it was then; he is
changed, and I am changed too. I am old with waiting, and he does not
yet understand the reason of his own youth. I wonder which it is,” she
said one day, almost in a dream, as she rocked to and fro over the
fire—“is he disguised with youth of which he does not know the meaning;
or am I disguised with years, so that he does not know that under them
my youth is hidden?”
Closer and closer came the ills of poverty. The tradespeople trusted
them to some extent, in spite of the warning they had received from the
Hibberts, but at last they refused to do so any longer. The stores that
Florence had sent in, too—Aunt Anne had said, “you must allow me to
remain in your debt for them, my dear”—had gradually run out. Dinner
became more and more of a difficulty, and at the scanty meal it was
Alfred Wimple who ate, and Aunt Anne who looked on, pretending she liked
the food she hardly dared to taste. He knew that she was starving
herself for his sake, but he said nothing. It gave him a dull
gratification to see her doing it. In his heart there was a resentment
that death had not sooner achieved for his benefit that which from the
first he had meant it to accomplish. Not that it was within his scheme
to let Aunt Anne die yet; but when he married her he had not realized
the awful shrinking that would daily grow upon him—the physical
shrinking that youth sometimes feels from old age. In his nature there
was no idealism, no sentiment. He could not give her the reverence that
even mere age usually provokes, or the affection, as of a son, that some
young men in his position might possibly have bestowed. He saw
everything concerning her years with ghastly plainness—the little lines
and the deep wrinkles on her face, the tremulous eyelids, the scanty
hair brushed forward from places the cap covered. Even the soft folds of
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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