Something in her voice touched him; or it might have been that he was
fonder of her than he supposed, for as he went by the pathway that poor
Aunt Anne had hurried along, bowed down with insult and despair, only
twenty minutes before, there was a less sullen expression than usual on
his face. He thought of the clinging hands and tearful eyes, and the
undisguised love written on her face, with something like satisfaction.
He would settle down with her, once he possessed the money. He liked the
idea of it; it would be good to be waited upon by her, to go abroad with
her perhaps, to buy comfort and luxury, and to feel her hanging about
him. He lingered in thought over her caresses; he remembered Aunt Anne’s
and shuddered. He had said truly enough that he could not bear the
latter much longer; toleration had grown to endurance, endurance to
dislike, and dislike to loathing. He was sensible of even being beneath
the same roof with her; her voice irritated him, her touch produced a
feeling that was almost fear. Every step he made now towards the house
that contained her was reluctant and almost shrinking. He could just
bear life with her if she gave him good food and comfort and money he
could not obtain elsewhere; but unless she gave him these things, which
he counted worth any price that could be paid, he felt it would be
impossible to stay with her longer. Warmth and idleness and comfort were
gods to him; but his loathing for the poor soul who had struggled for
months to give them to him was developing into horror. He waited,
doggedly, day after day for Sir William Rammage’s death. When that
happened he would seize the money that would be hers and, without mercy,
leave her to her fate; he and Caroline could easily keep out of her
reach. If she would not give him the money he would make life impossible
for her to bear. He had not the least intention of murdering her, but in
imagination he often put his hands round her throat, and all his fingers
felt her life growing still beneath them. He resented everything she
did: her voice, her footstep, her tender, wrinkled face; he felt as if
her winking left eye were driving him mad—as if there were poison in
her breath. He considered her life an offence against him, except as a
means of giving him money. When once she had done that, when she had
given him the thousands for which he had married her, he wanted her for
ever out of his sight, and underground; he gloated in imagination over
the deepness of the grave into which he would have her put, and the
silence and darkness that would surround her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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