He was at the bottom of the dip. He reflected, with triumph, that it was
too late for any question of going to the station to meet the half-past
six o’clock train. He thought of the rain that would fall upon her as
she drove to the cottage. He wondered if she had left her cloak behind,
and imagined the cold and pain she would suffer without it. He could see
her in the open cart, bending her head and shoulders beneath the grey
storm, carrying the bag that contained the dinner for him, and he
imagined the bulging condition in which the bag would return. If she had
not brought back all he considered necessary for his comfort, she would
tremble to see him, and he would not spare her one single pang. He was
among the firs and larches, within sight of the cottage windows. He
hated to think that she was behind them—that almost immediately he
would be in the same room with her, sitting opposite to her at table. He
thought of himself as a martyr, and of her as a loathsome burden, a
presence that had no right to be inflicted on him; one that he would be
justified in using any means within his power to remove. His feeling for
her had grown in intensity till it threatened to burst the bonds of
reserve and silence in which he had wrapped himself. It was only with an
effort that he could keep in all the lashing words that hatred could
suggest. He went up the pathway, as slowly as she herself had done, and
walked round the house under the verandah. Unknowingly, in putting the
easy-chair back into its place, Aunt Anne had pushed aside a little bit
of the dining-room curtain. He looked in and saw the table laid, the
candles burning, and the bowl of primroses; they were a sign that she
had returned, and had not returned empty-handed. He noticed that only
one place was laid, and he wondered vaguely what it meant. He thought of
Aunt Anne’s face, and a sickening feeling came over him. If it had only
been a girl’s face to which he was going in, a young woman who would
come to meet him, and put her arms round his neck, and call him
endearing names, instead of the old woman, shrivelled and wrinkled, to
whom in a moment or two he would have to submit himself? He went towards
the front door, vaguely determining that he would make her miserable
that night. He had a right to everything she could give, but she had no
right to intrude herself upon his sight, and he would make her feel it.
There was a click at the gate. Some one had entered the garden from the
road. He stopped. A boy came up to him through the darkness.
“Wimple? A telegram, sir. There is sixpence for porterage.” He felt in
his pocket among the silver the woman had given him in the shed; he
found a sixpence, and the boy departed. He opened the yellow envelope,
and stood still for a moment, with the telegram in his hand. He guessed
what it meant. He took a match from his pocket, struck a light, and,
protecting it from the wind with his hat, read:
“Died at five o’clock from sudden attack.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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