All the children around me were stamping and shouting, running every
minute between mouthfuls to see if the cab had come, if my box were in
the hall, and read aloud the label, "Passenger to Lysterby by
Birmingham," in awed tones. It seemed so wonderful to them that I should
be described as "passenger" to anywhere. Not a tear was shed by anybody.
Only war-whoops and joyous voluble chatter and thrilling orders that
rang along the passage like the clarion notes of destiny. Elsewhere
hearts under such circumstances might break. Here they only palpitated
with delight in the unusual, and the whole party was filled with a like
impatience to lead me in triumph down to the cab, not from a heartless
desire to get rid of me, but for the grand dramatic instant of farewell.
They greedily yearned to bundle me into the fatal vehicle, for the
intoxicating novelty of waving their handkerchiefs to me from the
doorstep as the cab drove off.
What might follow for me they did not take into account, having neither
imagination nor tenderness to help them to look beyond a glowing moment.
What would follow for them they were already perfectly aware of: a wild
race up-stairs, and a whole entrancing afternoon devoted to discussing
my departure, voyage, and probable experiences.
My stepfather took me up in his arms, kissed me on both cheeks with his
cheery careless affection, and carried me down-stairs. My mother
followed with a shawl, and a packet containing cold chicken, bread,
cake, and milk.
In the hall the terrible postulant stood waiting for me, and met my
scared look with a quick nod, meant to assure me that although her
aspect might be that of an ogre, she could be trusted not to devour a
little girl. My mother gave her the lunch and the shawl, and told her to
keep me warm, as I was not yet recovered from the effects of
whooping-cough. Through the open door I saw my box on the top of the
cab, and it seemed as if hundreds of shrill young voices were shouting
blithely to me, "Good-bye, Angela." Quantities of soft young lips strove
to kiss me at once, and dancing blue eyes sparkled around me, and gave
me the sensation of being already cast out of a warm circle where my
empty place would not be felt, where no word of regret would ever be
uttered for the unwelcome waif that called them sister.
Without a tear or a word, giving back their joyous "Good-bye" without
sorrow or revolt, I carried my mumbed little heart into the cab, so
alone that the companionship of the postulant offered me no promise of
protection or sympathy, and I never once looked at my stepfather sitting
opposite me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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