In fact when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin," When I can tell at sight a Chassepot rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as _sorties_ and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by Commissariat, When I have learn what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery, In short when I've a smattering of elementary strategy, You'll say a better Major-Gener_al_ has never _sat_ a gee-- For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century, But still in learning vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral. THE HEAVY DRAGOON. If you want a receipt for that popular mystery Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon, Take all the remarkable people in history, Rattle them off to a popular tune! The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the _Victory_-- Genius of Bismarck devising a plan; The humor of Fielding (which sounds contradictory)-- Coolness of Paget about to trepan-- The grace of Mozart, that unparalleled musico-- Wit of Macaulay, who wrote of Queen Anne-- The pathos of Paddy, as rendered by Boucicault-- Style of the Bishop of Sodor and Man-- The dash of a D'Orsay, divested of quackery-- Narrative powers of Dickens and Thackeray Victor Emmanuel--peak-haunting Peveril-- Thomas Aquinas, and Doctor Sacheverell-- Tupper and Tennyson--Daniel Defoe-- Anthony Trollope and Mister Guizot! Take of these elements all that are fusible, Melt them all down in a pipkin or crucible, Set them to simmer and take off the scum, And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum! If you want a receipt for this soldierlike paragon, Get at the wealth of the Czar (if you can)-- The family pride of a Spaniard from Arragon-- Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban-- A smack of Lord Waterford, reckless and rollicky-- Swagger of Roderick, heading his clan-- The keen penetration of Paddington Pollaky-- Grace of an Odalisque on a divan-- The genius strategic of Caesar or Hannibal-- Skill of Lord Wolseley in thrashing a cannibal Flavor of Hamlet--the Stranger, a touch of him-- Little of Manfred, (but not very much of him)-- Beadle of Burlington--Richardson's show; Mr. Micawber and Madame Tussaud! Take of these elements all that are fusible, Melt them all down in a pipkin or crucible, Set them to simmer and take off the scum, And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum! ONLY ROSES! To a garden full of posies Cometh one to gather flowers, And he wanders through its bowers Toying with the wanton roses, Who, uprising from their beds, Hold on high their shameless heads With their pretty lips a-pouting, Never doubting--never doubting That for Cytherean posies He would gather aught but roses!