“It’s too early to make any predictions yet. After all, there’s still a
good month and two weeks--no, three weeks--must be almost three
weeks--well, there’s more than six weeks in all before the Republican
convention, and I feel a fellow ought to keep an open mind and give all
the candidates a show--look ’em all over and size ’em up, and then
decide carefully.”
“That’s a fact, Mr. Babbitt.”
“But I’ll tell you--and my stand on this is just the same as it was four
years ago, and eight years ago, and it’ll be my stand four years from
now--yes, and eight years from now! What I tell everybody, and it can’t
be too generally understood, is that what we need first, last, and all
the time is a good, sound business administration!”
“By golly, that’s right!”
“How do those front tires look to you?”
“Fine! Fine! Wouldn’t be much work for garages if everybody looked after
their car the way you do.”
“Well, I do try and have some sense about it.” Babbitt paid his bill,
said adequately, “Oh, keep the change,” and drove off in an ecstasy of
honest self-appreciation. It was with the manner of a Good Samaritan
that he shouted at a respectable-looking man who was waiting for a
trolley car, “Have a lift?” As the man climbed in Babbitt condescended,
“Going clear down-town? Whenever I see a fellow waiting for a trolley, I
always make it a practice to give him a lift--unless, of course, he
looks like a bum.”
“Wish there were more folks that were so generous with their machines,”
dutifully said the victim of benevolence.
“Oh, no, ’tain’t a question of generosity, hardly. Fact, I always
feel-- I was saying to my son just the other night--it’s a fellow’s duty
to share the good things of this world with his neighbors, and it gets
my goat when a fellow gets stuck on himself and goes around tooting his
horn merely because he’s charitable.”
The victim seemed unable to find the right answer. Babbitt boomed on:
“Pretty punk service the Company giving us on these carlines. Nonsense
to only run the Portland Road cars once every seven minutes. Fellow gets
mighty cold on a winter morning, waiting on a street corner with the
wind nipping at his ankles.”
“That’s right. The Street Car Company don’t care a damn what kind of a
deal they give us. Something ought to happen to ’em.”
Babbitt was alarmed. “But still, of course it won’t do to just keep
knocking the Traction Company and not realize the difficulties they’re
operating under, like these cranks that want municipal ownership. The
way these workmen hold up the Company for high wages is simply a crime,
and of course the burden falls on you and me that have to pay a
seven-cent fare! Fact, there’s remarkable service on all their
lines--considering.”
“Well--” uneasily.
“Darn fine morning,” Babbitt explained. “Spring coming along fast.”
“Yes, it’s real spring now.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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