Though he did know the market-price, inch by inch, of certain districts
of Zenith, he did not know whether the police force was too large or too
small, or whether it was in alliance with gambling and prostitution. He
knew the means of fireproofing buildings and the relation of
insurance-rates to fireproofing, but he did not know how many firemen
there were in the city, how they were trained and paid, or how complete
their apparatus. He sang eloquently the advantages of proximity of
school-buildings to rentable homes, but he did not know--he did not know
that it was worth while to know--whether the city schoolrooms were
properly heated, lighted, ventilated, furnished; he did not know how the
teachers were chosen; and though he chanted “One of the boasts of Zenith
is that we pay our teachers adequately,” that was because he had read
the statement in the _Advocate-Times_. Himself, he could not have given
the average salary of teachers in Zenith or anywhere else.
He had heard it said that “conditions” in the County Jail and the Zenith
City Prison were not very “scientific;” he had, with indignation at the
criticism of Zenith, skimmed through a report in which the notorious
pessimist Seneca Doane, the radical lawyer, asserted that to throw boys
and young girls into a bull-pen crammed with men suffering from
syphilis, delirium tremens, and insanity was not the perfect way of
educating them. He had controverted the report by growling, “Folks that
think a jail ought to be a bloomin’ Hotel Thornleigh make me sick. If
people don’t like a jail, let ’em behave ’emselves and keep out of it.
Besides, these reform cranks always exaggerate.” That was the beginning
and quite completely the end of his investigations into Zenith’s
charities and corrections; and as to the “vice districts” he brightly
expressed it, “Those are things that no decent man monkeys with.
Besides, smatter fact, I’ll tell you confidentially: it’s a protection
to our daughters and to decent women to have a district where tough nuts
can raise cain. Keeps ’em away from our own homes.”
As to industrial conditions, however, Babbitt had thought a great deal,
and his opinions may be coordinated as follows:
“A good labor union is of value because it keeps out radical unions,
which would destroy property. No one ought to be forced to belong to a
union, however. All labor agitators who try to force men to join a union
should be hanged. In fact, just between ourselves, there oughtn’t to be
any unions allowed at all; and as it’s the best way of fighting the
unions, every business man ought to belong to an employers’-association
and to the Chamber of Commerce. In union there is strength. So any
selfish hog who doesn’t join the Chamber of Commerce ought to be forced
to.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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