Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological PentateuchShaw, Bernard
Philosophy
Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological Pentateuch
Shaw, Bernard
Drama
LUBIN. No you wouldnt, my dear Doctor. Laborers never ask questions.
BURGE. Ask it now. I have never flinched from being heckled. Out with
it. Is it about the land?
CONRAD. No.
SURGE. Is it about the Church?
CONRAD. No.
BURGE. Is it about the House of Lords?
CONRAD. No.
BURGE. Is it about Proportional Representation?
CONRAD. No.
SURGE. Is it about Free Trade?
CONRAD. No.
SURGE. Is it about the priest in the school?
CONRAD. No.
BURGE. Is it about Ireland?
CONRAD. No.
BURGE. Is it about Germany?
CONRAD. No.
BURGE. Well, is it about Republicanism? Come! I wont flinch. Is it about
the Monarchy?
CONRAD. No.
SURGE. Well, what the devil is it about, then?
CONRAD. You understand that I am asking the question in the character of
a laborer who earned thirteen shillings a week before the war and earns
thirty now, when he can get it?
BURGE. Yes: I understand that. I am ready for you. Out with it.
CONRAD. And whom you propose to represent n parliament?
SURGE. Yes, yes, yes. Come on.
CONRAD. The question is this. Would you allow your son to marry my
daughter, or your daughter to marry my son?
BURGE [_taken aback_] Oh, come! Thats not a political question.
CONRAD. Then, as a biologist, I don't take the slightest interest in
your politics; and I shall not walk across the street to vote for you or
anyone else at the election. Good evening.
LUBIN. Serve you right, Burge! Dr Barnabas: you have my assurance that
my daughter shall marry the man of her choice, whether he be lord or
laborer. May _I_ count on your support?
SURGE [_hurling the epithet at him_] Humbug!
SAVVY. Stop. [_They all stop short in the movement of leave-taking to
look at her_]. Daddy: are you going to let them off like this? How are
they to know anything if nobody ever tells them? If you don't, I will.
CONRAD. You cant. You didn't read my book; and you know nothing about
it. You just hold your tongue.
SAVVY. I just wont, Nunk. I shall have a vote when I am thirty; and I
ought to have it now. Why are these two ridiculous people to be allowed
to come in and walk over us as if the world existed only to play their
silly parliamentary game?
FRANKLYN [_severely_] Savvy: you really must not be uncivil to our
guests.
SAVVY. I'm sorry. But Mr Lubin didn't stand on much ceremony with me,
did he? And Mr Burge hasnt addressed a single word to me. I'm not going
to stand it. You and Nunk have a much better program than either of
them. It's the only one we are going to vote for; and they ought to be
told about it for the credit of the family and the good of their own
souls. You just tip them a chapter from the gospel of the brothers
Barnabas, Daddy.
_Lubin and Burge turn inquiringly to Franklyn, suspecting a move to form
a new party._
FRANKLYN. It is quite true, Mr Lubin, that I and my brother have a
little program of our own which--
CONRAD [_interrupting_] It's not a little program: it's an almighty big
one. It's not our own: it's the program of the whole of civilization.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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