Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological PentateuchShaw, Bernard
Philosophy
Back to Methuselah: A Metabiological Pentateuch
Shaw, Bernard
Drama
BURGE. Then why split the party before you have put it to us? For God's
sake let us have no more splits. I am here to learn. I am here to gather
your opinions and represent them. I invite you to put your views before
me. I offer myself to be heckled. You have asked me only an absurd
non-political question.
FRANKLYN. Candidly, I fear our program will be thrown away on you. It
would not interest you.
BURGE [_with challenging audacity_] Try. Lubin can go if he likes; but I
am still open to new ideas, if only I can find them.
FRANKLYN [_to Lubin_] Are you prepared to listen, Mr Lubin; or shall I
thank you for your very kind and welcome visit, and say good evening?
LUBIN [_sitting down resignedly on the settee, but involuntarily making
a movement which looks like the stifling of a yawn_] With pleasure, Mr
Barnabas. Of course you know that before I can adopt any new plank
in the party platform, it will have to reach me through the National
Liberal Federation, which you can approach through your local Liberal
and Radical Association.
FRANKLYN. I could recall to you several instances of the addition
to your party program of measures of which no local branch of your
Federation had ever dreamt. But I understand that you are not really
interested. I will spare you, and drop the subject.
LUBIN [_waking up a little_] You quite misunderstand me. Please do not
take it in that way. I only--
BURGE [_talking him down_] Never mind the Federation: _I_ will answer
for the Federation. Go on, Barnabas: go on. Never mind Lubin [_he sits
down in the chair from which Lubin first displaced him_].
FRANKLYN. Our program is only that the term of human life shall be
extended to three hundred years.
LUBIN [_softly_] Eh?
BURGE [_explosively_] What!
SAVVY. Our election cry is 'Back to Methuselah!'
HASLAM. Priceless!
_Lubin and Surge look at one another._
CONRAD. No. We are not mad.
SAVVY. Theyre not joking either. They mean it.
LUBIN [_cautiously_] Assuming that, in some sense which I am for the
moment unable to fathom, you are in earnest, Mr Barnabas, may I ask what
this has to do with politics?
FRANKLYN. The connection is very evident. You are now, Mr Lubin, within
immediate reach of your seventieth year. Mr Joyce Surge is your junior
by about eleven years. You will go down to posterity as one of a
European group of immature statesmen and monarchs who, doing the very
best for your respective countries of which you were capable, succeeded
in all-but-wrecking the civilization of Europe, and did, in effect, wipe
out of existence many millions of its inhabitants.
BURGE. Less than a million.
FRANKLYN. That was our loss alone.
BURGE. Oh, if you count foreigners--!
HAS LAM. God counts foreigners, you know.
SAVVY [_with intense satisfaction_] Well said, Bill.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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