BURGE-LUBIN. You do not know the history of this country. What would my ancestors have said to the menagerie of degenerates that is still called the House of Commons? Confucius: you will not believe me; and I do not blame you for it; but England once saved the liberties of the world by inventing parliamentary government, which was her peculiar and supreme glory. CONFUCIUS. I know the history of your country perfectly well. It proves the exact contrary. BURGE-LUBIN. How do you make that out? CONFUCIUS. The only power your parliament ever had was the power of withholding supplies from the king. BURGE-LUBIN. Precisely. That great Englishman Simon de Montfort-- CONFUCIUS. He was not an Englishman: he was a Frenchman. He imported parliaments from France. BURGE-LUBIN [_surprised_] You dont say so! CONFUCIUS. The king and his loyal subjects killed Simon for forcing his French parliament on them. The first thing British parliaments always did was to grant supplies to the king for life with enthusiastic expressions of loyalty, lest they should have any real power, and be expected to do something. BURGE-LUBIN. Look here, Confucius: you know more history than I do, of course; but democracy-- CONFUCIUS. An institution peculiar to China. And it was never really a success there. BURGE-LUBIN. But the Habeas Corpus Act! CONFUCIUS. The English always suspended it when it threatened to be of the slightest use. BURGE-LUBIN. Well, trial by jury: you cant deny that we established that? CONFUCIUS. All cases that were dangerous to the governing classes were tried in the Star Chamber or by Court Martial, except when the prisoner was not tried at all, but executed after calling him names enough to make him unpopular. BURGE-LUBIN. Oh, bother! You may be right in these little details; but in the large we have managed to hold our own as a great race. Well, people who could do nothing couldnt have done that, you know. CONFUCIUS. I did not say you could do nothing. You could fight. You could eat. You could drink. Until the twentieth century you could produce children. You could play games. You could work when you were forced to. But you could not govern yourselves. BURGE-LUBIN. Then how did we get our reputation as the pioneers of liberty? CONFUCIUS. By your steadfast refusal to be governed at all. A horse that kicks everyone who tries to harness and guide him may be a pioneer of liberty; but he is not a pioneer of government. In China he would be shot. BURGE-LUBIN. Stuff! Do you imply that the administration of which I am president is no Government? CONFUCIUS. I do. _I_ am the Government. BURGE-LUBIN. You! You!! You fat yellow lump of conceit!