BARNABAS. To that cinema tomfoolery, of course. I shall put this American impostor in his place. [_He goes out_]. BURGE-LUBIN [_calling after him_] God bless you, dear old chap! [_With a chuckle, he switches off; and the screen becomes blank. He presses a button and holds it down while he calls_] Hallo! A WOMAN'S VOICE. Hallo! BURGE-LUBIN [_formally_] The President respectfully solicits the privilege of an interview with the Chief Secretary, and holds himself entirely at his honor's august disposal. A CHINESE VOICE. He is coming. BURGE-LUBIN. Oh! That you, Confucius? So good of you. Come along [_he releases the button_]. _A man in a yellow gown, presenting the general appearance of a Chinese sage, enters._ BURGE-LUBIN [_jocularly_] Well, illustrious Sage-&-Onions, how are your poor sore feet? CONFUCIUS [_gravely_] I thank you for your kind inquiries. I am well. BURGE-LUBIN. Thats right. Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Any business for me today? CONFUCIUS [_sitting down on the first chair round the corner of the table to the President's right_] None. BURGE-LUBIN. Have you heard the result of the bye-election? CONFUCIUS. A walk-over. Only one candidate. BURGE-LUBIN. Any good? CONFUCIUS. He was released from the County Lunatic Asylum a fortnight ago. Not mad enough for the lethal chamber: not sane enough for any place but the division lobby. A very popular speaker. BURGE-LUBIN. I wish the people would take a serious interest in politics. CONFUCIUS. I do not agree. The Englishman is not fitted by nature to understand politics. Ever since the public services have been manned by Chinese, the country has been well and honestly governed. What more is needed? BURGE-LUBIN. What I cant make out is that China is one of the worst governed countries on earth. CONFUCIUS. No. It was badly governed twenty years ago; but since we forbade any Chinaman to take part in our public services, and imported natives of Scotland for that purpose, we have done well. Your information here is always twenty years out of date. BURGE-LUBIN. People don't seem to be able to govern themselves. I cant understand it. Why should it be so? CONFUCIUS. Justice is impartiality. Only strangers are impartial. BURGE-LUBIN. It ends in the public services being so good that the Government has nothing to do but think. CONFUCIUS. Were it otherwise, the Government would have too much to do to think. BURGE-LUBIN. Is that any excuse for the English people electing a parliament of lunatics? CONFUCIUS. The English people always did elect parliaments of lunatics. What does it matter if your permanent officials are honest and competent?