Baker's Dozens By JIM HARMON _Catching him was no problem; they caught him everywhere--and practically all at once!_ [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Worlds of If Science Fiction, July 1959. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] "Mr. Street, you are the foremost xenologist on Earth," the director of Extraterrestrial Investigations said to the tall man. "I know," Street said. "What do you know about the infamous criminal, Baker, the so-called 'Robin Hood' who is actually a scarlet fiend?" "Everything." "Surely not how he died." "Everything but that." The director put his briefcase on his knees. "Mr. Street, my agency received numerous accounts of his death, or deaths, on various worlds. Can you tell me which, if any, of these stories is true by studying our intelligence reports?" "Easily," Street said. "We have had Baker under observation many times by our planted Orwells--our peepbugs--but you must understand that we need absolute _proof_ on him since he has supporters even on Earth, and in waiting for that proof, we lost contact often at vital moments." "I understand perfectly," Street assured him. I "Are there really space pirates?" Mrs. Fuljohn inquired of him, giggling furiously. "Yes, Virginia, there really are space pirates," Baker assured her. Mrs. Fuljohn lowered very long lashes over formidable eyes. "My first name is Christine. Will they come at us out of the void with all guns blasting?" "I doubt it. They would want to rob the liner, not disintegrate it." Baker excused himself and strolled toward the afterdeck of "A" class. He had lied to the lady. (The hyper-Orwell focused directly on him picked up the tiny whisper of his subvocalizations.) He was a pirate, but there was one part of the cargo he did want to destroy, not steal--the first-grade readers for the Mission Houses for Alien Natives on Ignatz XI. Men called him a traitor to the human race, but he seethed at the corruptive propaganda being fed to the swinoid youngsters of the planet. _This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home.... This little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none...._ It was insidious, evil. It said in effect that races who shared a common ancestor with the pig had better trade with Earthmen on their terms--on _any_ terms--if they hoped to go on being allowed to eat. Double-dealing Earthmen with their devious schemes were daily robbing literal-minded extraterrestrials like the Ignatz swinoids blind. Sometimes it made him ashamed to be an Earthman. Let some call him a renegade! He was going to help these sentient beings.