Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's "Leaves o' Grass"Nye, Bill
General
Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's "Leaves o' Grass"
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
My brother then proposed that we take off the gloves, but I thought I
had not sufficiently punished him, and that another round would complete
the conquest, which was then almost within my grasp. I took a bismuth
powder and squared myself, but in warding off a left-hander, I forgot
about my adversary's right and ran my nose into the middle of his
boxing-glove. Fearing that I had injured him, I retreated rapidly on my
elbows and shoulder-blades to the corner of the room, thus giving him
ample time to recover. By this means my younger brother's features were
saved, and are to-day as symmetrical as my own.
I can still cough up pieces of boxing-gloves, and when I close my eyes
I can see calcium lights and blue phosphorescent gleams across the
horizon; but I am thoroughly convinced that there is no physical
exercise which yields the same amount of health and elastic vigor to
the puncher that the manly art does. To the punchee, also, it affords a
large wad of glad surprises and nose bleed, which cannot be hurtful to
those who hanker for the pleasing nervous shock, the spinal jar and the
pyrotechnic concussion.
That is why I shall continue the exercises after I have practiced with
a mule or a cow-catcher two or three weeks, and feel a little more
confidence in myself.
CHIPETA'S ADDRESS TO THE UTES.
|PEOPLE of my tribe! the sorrowing widow of the dead Ouray speaks to
you. She comes to you, not as the squaw of the dead chieftain, to rouse
you to war and victory, but to weep with you over the loss of her people
and the greed of the pale face.
The fair Colorado, over whose Rocky mountains we have roamed and hunted
in the olden time, is now overrun by the silver-plated Senator and the
soft-eyed dude.
We are driven to a small corner of the earth to die, while the oppressor
digs gopher holes in the green grass and sells them to the speculator of
the great cities toward the rising sun.
Through the long, cold winter my people have passed, in want and cold,
while the conqueror of the peaceful Ute has worn $250 night-shirts and
filled his pale skin with pie.
Chipeta addresses you as the weeping squaw of a great man whose bones
will one day nourish the cucumber vine. Ouray now sleeps beneath the
brown grass of the canyon, where the soft spring winds may stir the dead
leaves, and the young coyote may come and monkey o'er his grave. Ouray
was ignorant in the ways of the pale face. He could not go to Congress,
for he was not a citizen of the United States. He had not taken out
his second papers. He was a simple child of the forest, but he stuck
to Chipeta. He loved Chipeta like a hired man. That is why the widowed
squaw weeps over him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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