Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's "Leaves o' Grass"Nye, Bill
General
Baled Hay: A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's "Leaves o' Grass"
Nye, Bill
American wit and humor
I have held my office through a part of the administration of Grant, and
all of the Hayes administration, so far, and all through the countless
political changes of the territorial administration. I state this with a
pardonable pride. It shows it was not the result of political influence
or party, but was the natural outgrowth of official rectitude and just
dealing toward all. When a man comes before me to make affidavit or to
acknowledge a deed, I recognize no party, no friend. They are all served
alike and charged alike.
I was appointed to this high official position under the administration
of Governor Thayer. At that time C. O. D. French was secretary. I had to
lubricate the wheels of government before I could catch on, as it were.
C. O. D. French wanted $5. I sent it to him. I wrote him that when the
people seemed determined to foist upon me the high official honor of
Notary Public, the paltry sum of $5 should not stand in the way. I have
held the position ever since. Political enemies have endeavored to tear
to pieces my record, both officially and socially, but through evil and
good report, I have still held it.
The nation to-day looks to her notaries public for her crowning glory
and successful future. In their hands rest the might and the grandeur
and the glory which, like a halo, in the years to come, will encircle
the brow of Columbia. I feel the responsibility that rests upon me, and
I tremble with the mighty weight of weal or woe for a great nation which
hangs upon my every official act. I presume Mr. Raymond feels the same
way. He ought, certainly, for the eyes of a great republic watch us with
feverish anxiety. It is an awful position to be placed in. Let those who
tread the lower walks of life envy not the brain-and-nerve-destroying
position of the notary public, whose every movement is portentous, and
great with its burden of good or ill for nations unborn. That is what
is making an old man of me before my time, and sprinkling my strawberry
blonde hair with gray.
THE AGONY IS OVER.
|IT has occurred to us that the destruction of timber near the
Continental Divide, in Colorado, which is also called, "The Backbone of
the Continent," will naturally be a severe blow to the lumber region of
Colorado.
We began studying on this joke last summer, and have wrestled
prayerfully with it ever since, with the above result. Do not think,
O gay, lighthearted reader, that these jokes are spontaneous, and that
mirth is pumped out of the recesses of the editor's brain as a grocer
pumps coal oil out of a tin tank. They come with fasting and sadness,
and vexation of spirit, and groanings that cannot be uttered, and
weeping and gnashing of teeth. Now that we are over this joke safely, no
doubt that we shall begin to flesh up again.
OSTRICH CAVALRY.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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