More than once he had been very near, or so he had thought at the time,
to the finding of his secret ideal,--of that woman who should be at once
lover and friend. But some element, generally that of the selfless
tenderness for which his heart craved, was lacking in the unlawful loves
to which he considered himself compelled to confine his quest.
He based his ideal on the tie which had bound his uncle, Lord Bosworth,
to Madame Sampiero, and of which he had become aware at a moment when
his youth had made him peculiarly susceptible to what was fine and
moving in their strange, ardent romance.
To his ideal,--so he could still tell himself when on one of those
lamentable return journeys from some experimental excursion in that most
debatable land, le pays du tendre,--he could and would remain faithful,
however faithless he might become to the actual woman who, at the
moment, had fallen short of that same ideal.
Berwick constantly made the mistake of consciously seeking love, and so
of allowing nothing for that element of fantasy and surprise which has
always played so great a part in spontaneous affairs of the heart.
He asked too much, not so much of love, as of life--intellect, passion,
tenderness, fidelity, all these to be merged together in one who could
only hope to be linked with her beloved in unlawful, and therefore, so
whispered experience, in but temporary bonds.
During the last ten years--Berwick was now thirty-five, and, while his
brief married life lasted, he had been absolutely faithful to the poor
sickly woman whose love for him had fallen short of the noblest of
all--he had found some of the qualities he regarded as essential to a
great and steadfast passion, first in one, and then in another, but
never had he found them all united, as his uncle had done, in one woman.
Mrs. Marshall, of whom his sister was still so afraid had first
attracted him as a successful example of that type of woman to whom
beauty, and the brilliant exercise of her feminine instincts, stand in
lieu of mind and heart, and whose whole life is absorbed in the effort
to excite feelings which she is determined neither to share nor to
gratify. To vivify this lovely statue, to revenge, may-be, the wrongs of
many of his sex, had been for Berwick an amusing diversion, a game of
skill in which both combatants were to play with buttoned foils.
But Mrs. Marshall, caught up at last into the flames in which she
had seen so many burn--holocausts to her vanity and intense
egotism--suddenly began to love Berwick with that dry, speechless form
of passion which sears both the lover and the beloved, and which seems
to strip the woman of self-respect, the man of that tenderness which
should drape even spurious passion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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