The death of the lady's husband had occurred most inopportunely, and had
been followed, after what had seemed to Berwick--now wholly
disillusioned--a shockingly short interval, by one of those scenes of
horror which sometimes occur in the lives of men and women and which
each participant would give much to blot out from memory. During the
interview he shuddered to remember, Berwick had been brought to say, "My
freedom is dearer to me, far more so, than life itself! If I had to
choose between marriage and death, I should choose death!"
Arabella need not have been afraid. Louise Marshall's very name had
become hateful to him, and the fact that she was still always trying to
throw herself across his path had been one reason why he had spent the
whole summer far from England.
* * * * *
It was in this mood, being at the moment out of love with love, that
Berwick had come back this autumn to Sussex and to Chancton Priory. It
was in this same mood that he had first met Barbara Rebell, and had
spent with her the evening of which he was afterwards to try and
reconstitute every moment, to recall every word uttered by either. He
had been interested, attracted, perhaps most of all relieved, to find a
woman so different from the type which had caused him so much distress,
shame, and--what was perhaps, to a man of his temperament,
worse--annoyance.
Then, after that short sojourn at the Priory, he had gone away, and
thought of Barbara not at all. Certain matters had caused him to come
back to Chillingworth before going on to Halnakeham Castle, and during
those days, with a suddenness which had left him defenceless, had come a
passion of deep feeling--none of those about them ventured to give that
feeling its true name--for the desolate-eyed, confiding creature, who,
if now thrown defenceless in his way as no woman had ever yet been, was
yet instinct with some quality which seemed to act as a shield between
himself and the tremulous, tender heart he knew was there, if only
because of the love Barbara lavished on Madame Sampiero.
During those early days, and for the first time in Berwick's experience,
humility walked hand in hand with love, and the lover for a while found
himself in that most happy state when passion seems intensified by
respect. James Berwick had hitherto been always able to analyse every
stage of his feeling in regard to the woman who at the moment occupied
his imagination, but with regard to Mrs. Rebell he shrank from such
introspection.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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