Country life -- Fiction; Pastoral fiction; Piedmont (U.S. : Region) -- Fiction; Virginia -- Fiction
"Let's stand here until the next car comes."
"Do you feel any worse?"
"No, not worse, only different."
"I've known 'em to faint dead away the first time they left the
hospital."
"Well, I've no idea of fainting. Just tell me when you see the right car
coming."
The thing that worried her most, and she had puzzled over this from the
minute she came down the steps of the hospital, was the curious
impression in her mind that she had seen everything and everybody
before. Every face was familiar to her. She seemed to have known each
person who passed her in some former time and place, which she dimly
remembered; and each reminded her, in some vague resemblance of contour,
feature, or shifting expression, of the way Jason had looked when she
first loved him. "Just as I was trying to forget him," she thought, with
irritation, "everybody begins to look like him."
When the car came, and she got on and found a seat beside a fat German,
who was buried in his newspaper, this senseless irritation still
persisted. "Maybe if I stop looking at their faces and keep my eyes
fixed on their clothes, the resemblance will pass away," she told
herself resolutely. "What a funny hat, just like a cabbage, that woman
is wearing, and the man with her has on a tie like a little boy's. He
must be an artist. I read in some book that artists wore velvet coats
and flowing ties." Then, inadvertently, she raised her eyes to the face
of the stranger, and discovered that he was gazing at her with a look
that reminded her of Jason. Even the fat German wore a familiar
expression when he turned to touch the bell and glanced down at her as
he rose to go out of the car.
At the lodging-house, where she had to explain her case all over again,
she was still haunted by this delusive resemblance. There might have
been a general disintegration and reassembling of personalities since
she had gone to the hospital, and she felt that she had seen them all
before in other circumstances and other periods.
Alone, at last, in her little room, she dropped wearily on the hard bed,
which, like the wife of the proprietor, bulged in the wrong places, and
lay, without seeing or hearing, surrendered to the grey hollowness of
existence. Sheer physical weakness kept her motionless for an hour; and
when at the end of that time, she lifted her hands to take off her hat,
she felt as if she were recovering from the effects of an anæsthetic.
Gradually, as the stupor wore off, she became aware of the objects
around her; of the hissing gas jet, which burned in the daytime; of the
dirty carpet, with an ink splotch in the centre; of the unsteady
washstand that creaked under its own weight; of the stale ashes of a
cigar in the top of the soap dish; of the sharp ridge down the middle of
the bed on which she was lying. And she thought clearly, "No matter how
bad it is, I've got to go through with it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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