"It has been pointed out," says the Prof, profound, "that if one set a million monkeys at a million typewriters and kept them pounding away at random, by the mere operation of the laws of chance one of those monkeys would ultimately re-write the Smyth Report on Atomic Energy. And it is easy to calculate that during the Middle Ages there were enough alchemists making experiments practically at random to produce outstanding discoveries by sheer happenchance. Some of these discoveries we know. I have mentioned them. But I have proof that they made others." * * * * * Old Jode leans back in his chair. This is the oldest of all known swindles. It is worn out long before the first gold brick is made. Old Jode is astounded at his good fortune; this is perfect for Mr. Vachti, who has never been put through the wringer by any person whatsoever. "Hrrrrrrm!" says old Jode. "Pray go on, sir!" "Some three years back," says the Prof, "I took the money I had intended to use for my summer sustenance, and duplicated the alchemical process described by Dr. Dee for the production of the Alkahest--the Universal Solvent. It began with icelandic spar, or calcium fluoride. The intervening processes were absurd. But as a result I achieved a liquid which turned out to be hydrofluoric acid--the acid which is now used for etching glass, and which is so nearly a universal solvent that it can be retained in fluoro-carbon plastic bottles." I perk up my ears. Old Jode sees my face. He grunts: "Interestin'. Pray continue!" The waiter serves some _boef a Marechal Chateaubriand_. Jode drools. He begins to stoke himself steady. "I had proved one alchemical discovery true," says the Prof. "The Philosopher's Stone." Old Jode chokes. He says, pained: "Not a process to make gold! Please, Prof--" "The Philosopher's Stone," says the Prof, stern, "may have been achieved. But when metals are transmuted the energy-release is tremendous; it is atomic energy. When uranium is changed into boron and such, an atomic bomb is the result. The manufacture of gold would involve highly lethal radiation in vast quantities. I did not attempt to duplicate the Philosopher's Stone!" "That's better," says Jode, relieved. "But," says the Prof, "I did--at great and crippling expense to myself--repeat Hermes Trismigestus' process for making the Elixir of Youth. And it worked." Old Jode looks, blinks, and then he begins to kinda glow with happiness, inside and out. This is the oldest swindle on earth. It goes back to before history. It is so cold and so worn-out that it is undoubtedly the only one that ain't been tried on Mr. Vachti--and for a bloodthirsty old guy now gloomily hangin' on around seventy, it is the one bait that he would like to believe in if he could. "Remarkable!" wheezes Jode. "You have experimental evidence, of course?"