Humorous stories; Short stories, English; Supernatural -- Fiction
“It’s an extravagance, because it’s one of the most expensive dishes on
the menu, but at any rate it proves that I’m not Lady Starping; she never
touches shell-fish, and poor Lady Braddleshrub has no digestion at all;
if I am _her_ I shall certainly die in agony in the course of the
afternoon, and the duty of finding out who I am will devolve on the press
and the police and those sort of people; I shall be past caring. Lady
Knewford doesn’t know one rose from another and she hates men, so she
wouldn’t have spoken to you in any case; and Lady Mousehilton flirts with
every man she meets—I haven’t flirted with you, have I?”
Jerton hastily gave the required assurance.
“Well, you see,” continued the lady, “that knocks four off the list at
once.”
“It’ll be rather a lengthy process bringing the list down to one,” said
Jerton.
“Oh, but, of course, there are heaps of them that I couldn’t possibly
be—women who’ve got grandchildren or sons old enough to have celebrated
their coming of age. I’ve only got to consider the ones about my own
age. I tell you how you might help me this afternoon, if you don’t mind;
go through any of the back numbers of _Country Life_ and those sort of
papers that you can find in the smoking-room, and see if you come across
my portrait with infant son or anything of that sort. It won’t take you
ten minutes. I’ll meet you in the lounge about tea-time. Thanks
awfully.”
And the Fair Unknown, having graciously pressed Jerton into the search
for her lost identity, rose and left the room. As she passed the young
man’s table she halted for a moment and whispered:
“Did you notice that I tipped the waiter a shilling? We can cross Lady
Ulwight off the list; she would have died rather than do that.”
At five o’clock Jerton made his way to the hotel lounge; he had spent a
diligent but fruitless quarter of an hour among the illustrated weeklies
in the smoking-room. His new acquaintance was seated at a small
tea-table, with a waiter hovering in attendance.
“China tea or Indian?” she asked as Jerton came up.
“China, please, and nothing to eat. Have you discovered anything?”
“Only negative information. I’m not Lady Befnal. She disapproves
dreadfully of any form of gambling, so when I recognised a well-known
book maker in the hotel lobby I went and put a tenner on an unnamed filly
by William the Third out of Mitrovitza for the three-fifteen race. I
suppose the fact of the animal being nameless was what attracted me.”
“Did it win?” asked Jerton.
“No, came in fourth, the most irritating thing a horse can do when you’ve
backed it win or place. Anyhow, I know now that I’m not Lady Befnal.”
“It seems to me that the knowledge was rather dearly bought,” commented
Jerton.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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