And for himself! What would become of him after the short sharp
struggle for life? Should he find endless sleep, or what? He was a
Christian, and his life had not been worse than that of other men.
Indeed, though he would have been the last to think it, he had some
redeeming virtues. But now at the end the spiritual horizon was as dark
as it had been at the beginning. There before him were the Gates of
Death, but not yet would they roll aside and show the traveller what
lay beyond their frowning face. How could he tell? Perhaps they would
not open at all. Perhaps he now bade his last farewell to
consciousness, to earth and sky and sea and love and all lovely things.
Well, that might be better than some prospects. At that moment Geoffrey
Bingham, in the last agony of doubt, would gladly have exchanged his
hopes of life beyond for a certainty of eternal sleep. That faith which
enables some of us to tread this awful way with an utter confidence is
not a wide prerogative, and, as yet, at any rate, it was not his,
though the time might come when he would attain it. There are not very
many, even among those without reproach, who can lay them down in the
arms of Death, knowing most certainly that when the veil is rent away
the countenance that they shall see will be that of the blessed
Guardian of Mankind. Alas! he could not be altogether sure, and where
doubt exists, hope is but a pin-pricked bladder. He sighed heavily,
murmured a little formula of prayer that had been on his lips most
nights during thirty years—he had learnt it as a child at his mother’s
knee—and then, while the tempest roared around him, gathered up his
strength to meet the end which seemed inevitable. At any rate he would
die like a man.
Then came a reaction. His vital forces rose again. He no longer felt
fearful, he only wondered with a strange impersonal wonder, as a man
wonders about the vital affairs of another. Then from wondering about
himself he began to wonder about the girl who sat opposite to him. With
the rain came a little lightning, and by the first flash he saw her
clearly. Her beautiful face was set, and as she bent forward searching
the darkness with her wide eyes, it wore, he thought, an almost defiant
air.
The canoe twisted round somewhat. He dug his broken paddle into the
water and once more brought her head on to the sea. Then he spoke.
“Are you afraid?” he asked of Beatrice.
“No,” she answered, “I am not afraid.”
“Do you know that we shall probably be drowned?”
“Yes, I know it. They say the death is easy. I brought you here.
Forgive me that. I should have tried to row you ashore as you said.”
“Never mind me; a man must meet his fate some day. Do not think of me.
But I can’t keep her head on much longer. You had better say your
prayers.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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