She turned her head and looked at Bryngelly, and the long familiar
stretch of cliff. How fair it seemed, bathed in the quiet lights of
summer afternoon. Oh! was there any afternoon where the child had gone,
and where she was following fast?—or was it all night, black, eternal
night, unbroken by the dream of dear remembered things?
There were the Dog Rocks, where she had stood on that misty autumn day,
and seen the vision of her coffined mother’s face. Surely it was a
presage of her fate. There beyond was the Bell Rock, where in that same
hour Geoffrey and she had met, and behind it was the Amphitheatre,
where they had told their love. Hark! what was that sound pealing
faintly at intervals across the deep? It was the great ship’s bell
that, stirred from time to time by the wash of the high tide, solemnly
tolled her passing soul.
She paddled on; the sound of that death-knell shook her nerves, and
made her feel faint and weak. Oh, it would have been easier had she
been as she was a year ago, before she learned to love, and hand in
hand had seen faith and hope re-arise from the depths of her stirred
soul. Then being but a heathen, she could have met her end with all a
heathen’s strength, knowing what she lost, and believing, too, that she
would find but sleep. And now it was otherwise, for in her heart she
did not believe that she was about utterly to perish. What, could the
body live on in a thousand forms, changed indeed but indestructible and
immortal, while the spiritual part, with all its hopes and loves and
fears, melted into nothingness? It could not be; surely on some new
shore she should once again greet her love. And if it was not, how
would they meet her in that under world, coming self-murdered, her
life-blood on her hands? Would her mother turn away from her? and the
little brother, whom she had loved, would he reject her? And what Voice
of Doom might strike her into everlasting hopelessness?
But, be the sin what it might, yet would she sin it for the sake of
Geoffrey; ay, even if she must reap a harvest of eternal woe. She bent
her head and prayed. “Oh, Power, that art above, from whom I come, to
whom I go, have mercy on me! Oh, Spirit, if indeed thy name is Love,
weigh my love in thy balance, and let it lift the scale of sin. Oh, God
of Sacrifice, be not wroth at my deed of sacrifice and give me pardon,
give me life and peace, that in a time to come I may win the sight of
him for whom I die.”
A somewhat heathenish prayer indeed, and far too full of human passion
for one about to leave the human shores. But, then—well, it was
Beatrice who prayed—Beatrice, who could realise no heaven beyond the
limits of her passion, who still thought more of her love than of
saving her own soul alive. Perhaps it found a home—perhaps, like her
who prayed it, it was lost upon the pitiless deep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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