“Row quickly, I beg of you,” Renée said to Beauchamp. Her desire was to
see Roland, and open her heart to her brother; for now it had to be
opened. Not a minute must be lost to prevent further mischief. And who
was guilty? she. Her heart clamoured of her guilt to waken a cry of
innocence. A disdainful pity for the superb young savage just made
ludicrous, relieved him of blame, implacable though he was. He was
nothing; an accident—a fool. But he might become a terrible instrument
of punishment. The thought of that possibility gave it an aspect of
retribution, under which her cry of innocence was insufferable in its
feebleness. It would have been different with her if Beauchamp had
taken advantage of her fever of anxiety, suddenly appeased by the sight
of him on the evening of his arrival at Tourdestelle after the storm,
to attempt a renewal of their old broken love-bonds. Then she would
have seen only a conflict between two men, neither of whom could claim
a more secret right than the other to be called her lover, and of whom
both were on a common footing, and partly despicable. But Nevil
Beauchamp had behaved as her perfect true friend, in the character she
had hoped for when she summoned him. The sense of her guilt lay in the
recognition that he had saved her. From what? From the consequences of
delirium rather than from love—surely delirium, founded on delusion;
love had not existed. She had said to Count Henri, “You speak to me of
love. I was beloved when I was a girl, before my marriage, and for
years I have not seen or corresponded with the man who loved me, and I
have only to lift my finger now and he will come to me, and not once
will he speak to me of love.” Those were the words originating the
wager of the glove. But what of her, if Nevil Beauchamp had not come?
Her heart jumped, and she blushed ungovernably in his face,—as if he
were seeing her withdraw her foot from the rock’s edge, and had that
instant rescued her. But how came it she had been so helpless? She
could ask; she could not answer.
Thinking, talking to her heart, was useless. The deceiver simply
feigned utter condemnation to make partial comfort acceptable. She
burned to do some act of extreme self-abasement that should bring an
unwonted degree of wrath on her externally, and so re-entitle her to
consideration in her own eyes. She burned to be interrogated, to have
to weep, to be scorned, abused, and forgiven, that she might say she
did not deserve pardon. Beauchamp was too English, evidently too blind,
for the description of judge-accuser she required; one who would worry
her without mercy, until—disgraced by the excess of torture
inflicted—he should reinstate her by as much as he had overcharged his
accusation, and a little more. Reasonably enough, instinctively in
fact, she shunned the hollow of an English ear. A surprise was in
reserve for her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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